User:Roza/main page

Arts
Biography
Music
History
Politics
Science
Society
Television
More Links
Main Page/links
Social

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Reddit

YouTube

Discord

#IRC

Steam

Today's featured article

Biffy Clyro is a Scottish rock band from Scotland. As well as being Scottish, nobody outside of the rainy isles has heard of them. The band is composed of one Scottish guy, and two other Scottish guys who are for some reason twins, even though they look nothing alike. During concerts, the trio are joined by musicians Mike Vennart and Dick "99% of Gamblers Quit Before They Win it Big" Ingram. Currently signed to 14th Floor Records, they have released at least six albums. Following the first three, their maybe-existent fan base grew to slightly larger numbers. As for who they actually are, I'm still not sure. I'm pretty sure they're a band, however. As well as being from Scotland, they are apparently very popular in the UK, which is not a place I've visited. As for their music... I'm not sure that exists either. (Full article...)

Recently featured:

Archive · Vote for featured articles · Purge

In the news

Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured)
Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed

Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city?

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons

UnNews Main · Archive

On this day in history

At least you know what you're getting into.

March 12: Indecent Exposure Day

1504 - Michelangelo's David lambasted by contemporary Italian critics for being insufficiently endowed (Pictured).
1923 - Mankind declares war on the rainforest after a tree lands on my infant boy, you are dead to me trees dead to me.
1962 - Beach bums take over much of Southern California, rendering it uninhabitable for decades.
1982 - Hospital administrators announce that disco has slipped into a coma and not expected to survive.
1994 - The Church of England allows women to become priests, but only on Sundays.
2011 - A Nuclear power plant in Japan explodes after massive earthquake and tsunami, Japanese children are born kinda fat now: coincidence?

Archive · View today · View tomorrow

Featured biography

Sam "I won that debate against Chomsky" Harris is a bear of a man, with a mind of unparalleled genius, whose august presence on the internet makes The Discourse that much more civil and rational and smart. Sam Harris is best known for never losing an argument online, and solving all of the philosophy using logic and facts. Before Sam Harris published his book The End of Faith in 2004, no one had thought to use rationality and reason to explore philosophical ideas: philosophy hitherto Sam Harris was made up mostly of pussy God lovers like Søren Kierkegaard who believed in fairy tales because they weren't rational and logical and right about stuff like Sam Harris is.

Today Sam Harris has become a light, shining effervescent in a world dimmed by the evils of Islam and people who disagree with me. Sam Harris has written many books, very long books with little to no pictures, filled with great ideas. Sam Harris has appeared in the prestigious TED talks, where he speaks in a suave and bookish monotone, dispensing his wisdom the way a sprinkler dispenses the succulent water to the hungry hungry grass. Harris has also founded the "Nuke the Muslims until their bones are glass" school of moral philosophy.

Sam Harris was born into this reality like any other rational thinker: pale, wrinkling, writhing, and beaming with potential. He emerged from the flesh cocoon of womanhood into a world chained by anti-intellectualism and its heralds, who are called priests or imams (but mostly imams). (Full article...)

More Biographies

Today's featured lists

Featured today a long time ago

XBA, featured on 12 March 2021: Featured version
UnPoetia:Do Not Shag Gentle During That Good Night, featured on 12 March 2015: Featured version
UnNews:Martin Luther King's tomb discovered, featured on 12 March 2014: Featured version
BladeRunnerway Bride, featured on 12 March 2013: Featured version
HowTo:Persuade your husband, featured on 12 March 2012: Featured version

Recent articles

Update recent list · All articles featured March 12

Picture of the day

August 6, 1945: After being given superpowers by the Manhattan Project, Harry S. Truman, the Truman Torch, personally drops the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan, signalling the beginning of the end of World War II.

Truman's flight was the culmination of the Manhattan Project, a sustained secret project by the United States military to develop superpowers in order to resurrect the American Justice Coalition. Because superhero technology was so valuable, the project was disguised as an effort to create a nuclear bomb, a deception that was so complete that the nuclear bomb was also developed. Subsequently, all American presidents have been endowed with superpowers and occasionally fight together as the New American Justice Coalition.
Image credit: Isra1337
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

Did You Know?

... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)

... that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (Pictured)

... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer?
... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?
... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk?
... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions?
... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst?
... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?

... that Oh My God! There's a Meteor Heading Towards Us? (Pictured)

... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?

... that the Silver Surfer has a very large family? (Pictured)

... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
... that The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020 was caused by Uncyclopedians?

... that Hans Helmuth Saltzman's collection of Camera Obscura images is the best preserved of the Renaissance era? (Pictured)

... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
... that you've just lost the game?
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst?
... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion?
... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?

... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured)

... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science?
... that Ram Ranch really rocks?
... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?
... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?

... that the man on the left is late for an important meeting with an international Terrorist and the man on the right is indignant at the increased cost of accessing Internet porn? (Pictured)

... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?
... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?

... that the The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art will play host to some of Pau Pei's most groundbreaking works of concentric art? (Pictured)

... that the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
... that the police are at your door?
... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling?
... that You have to be lucky all the time, but we only have to be lucky once?
... that I think you know what's happening today?
... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?

... I burning your dog? (Pictured)

... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?
... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip?
... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?

... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt?

... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal?
... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"

... that the Washington Niggers (Pictured) are set to change their name?

... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling?
... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?
... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?

... that Big Bird was the guest of honor on a special Thanksgiving episode of Sesame Street? (Pictured)

... that there is one imposter among us?
... that Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide?
... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to the US and her allies?
... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?

Archive · Suggest new entries

Featured story

The Quagga of Kuala Lumpur

The humble quagga

Often a man may find answers in battle, for such a man the epiphenomenon of their innermost thoughts pervade the empyrean shores of sheer fantasy. For such a man indeed the Quagga is the most valuable thing, for another such man, it is but a trifle. For the common man The Case of the Quagga of Kuala Lumpur is one of the more bizarre instances of law and order in the 20th century. The Quagga is an endangered beast that must be retrieved from the trischopian thought processes of a diabolic mind, cultured by the best philosophy and a taste for whale foreskin sofas. A mind honed to the methods of Greenock as well as the subtle arts of necromancy and the bestial needs of lesser men as well as having a perversity which only good breeding would allow.

It was well known that the Parisian chief constable was often seen to converse with Dr. Finnius Greenock, whom I have the privilege of sharing a mansion in the more modest area of Paris, France. Greenock was famed in areas of parochial law enforcement for his abilities in unsurpassed reason and the less than orthodox sciences such as metaphysics and complex logic. Greenock was also known to use the visions of chemically induced states which he was accustomed to employ in his pursuit of truth. (Full story...)

More stories

Featured HowTo

HowTo:Write the Great American Novel

The Great American Novel is not just any novel. Any novel could tell a story; Any novel could have dozens upon dozens of product placements. The Great American Novel has to tell the greatest of all stories; place the greatest of all products.

Furthermore, and not a bit too soon, any novel can bring a strong man to his knees, crying over the powerful tragedy of the tale. But only the Great American Novel can make that same man howl in pain over the immense emotional overtones of the tale, and make him curl into a ball, crying for his mommy.

This is the guide to writing the Great American Novel. (Full HowTo...)

More HowTo's

Featured Why?

Why?:Sell Cocaine to Monkeys

Hey guys, I'm Buzz Aldrin!

Why, hello, young traveler. Have you ever wondered to yourself, on one of your many excursions to the zoo, whether or not giving cocaine to the monkeys in the exhibit is such a good idea? Have you ever asked yourself questions such as "Should I do it?" or "Where can I find some?" or "Is it even safe?"

Well, you‘re in luck. First off, I would like to assure you that giving cocaine to monkeys is indeed an entirely safe procedure. Some might even consider it safer than giving humans cocaine! Imagine that? Not only is it safe, however, but indeed a very lucrative venture as well. Just think of the possibilities. Think about them. Think. Are you thinking? Yes, I know what you're thinking. The possibilities are indeed endless.

But heck, don't take my word for it. I'm just legendary space adventurer and All-American hero Buzz Aldrin. (Full Why?)

More Why?

Sister projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

UnNews
News on crack
Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary
Best left unsaid
UnTunes
Noisy things
UnGames
Ways to waste away
HowTo
Like Ikea without the pictures
UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable
Useless misquotes
Uncycloversity
No student loans
UnPoetia
Dreams deferred
UnDebate
Debate the irrelevant
UnScripts
We ruin stage too
Why?
Because
UnReviews
Hack frauds
UnVoyage
Armchair travel
Uncyclomedia
The Foundation

Foreign languages

This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 40,987 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

10,000+ articles

Português · Boarisch · 日本語 · Polski · Plattdüütsch · Italiano · Español · Français
1,000+ articles

Suomi · Dansk · Deutsch · 한국어 · 正體中文 · 汉语 · Русский · Norsk (Bokmål) · Bahasa Indonesia · Česky · ไทย · Esperanto · Ελληνικά · Nederlands · Galego · עברית · Svenska · Slovenčina · Magyar · Українська
100+ articles

فارسی · عَرَبِيّ‎ · Türkçe · Català · Norsk (Nynorsk) · Српски / Srpski · Hrvatski · Lietuvių · Latina · Tagalog · Български · Simple English · Latviešu · Mirandés · Македонски · Română · Cymraeg

Complete List of Uncyclopedias