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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

MOUNT OLYMPUS, Greece -- Zeus, the mighty Grecian god of thunder, lightning and extramarital affairs joined other deities Monday with his own endorsement for the Republican Presidential candidacy: Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Zeus’ backing of Schwarzenegger comes right on the heels of Jehovah, the Judeo-Christian god’s own muddled and ineffectual backings of Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Tim Pawlenty and virtually every other Republican office-seeker except Mike Huckabee.

“Though Zeus hasn’t been involved in earthly politics since his support of King Agamemnon during the Trojan War, his endorsement is nonetheless a massive boost to Schwarzenegger’s Presidential bid,” said a prominent Washington political analyst. “This, of course, is in stark contrast to Jehovah’s disastrous string of endorsements, which have done far more harm than good to the weak Republican field of candidates. Not only has Jehovah’s judgment been called into question, but the candidates themselves are beginning to lose credibility. People, for instance, are coming dangerously close to not taking Michele Bachmann seriously.” (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Pennywise the Clown wants to entertain you? (Pictured)

... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?
... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise?
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise?

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In the news [edit]

All taxes, all vape, all Rayner.

Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK (Pictured)
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes
Trump presents new science project to Cabinet
Uncyclopedia introduces AI Age Guesser™, petition nears 100,000 signatures
Trump fires Zakk Wylde
Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione"
Epstein list predictions

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • SNL cast exodus • K-pop: The Movie • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys

Recent deaths: Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR • Cartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3)

Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger in jail • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Dallas Cowboys' season • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump, either by angry cartel members, "meanie judges", or (finally) releasing the Epstein files

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On this day [edit]

September 6: Let's Enjoy A Glass Of Blue Lemonade Day

394 - The Christian Roman Emperor Theodosius I defeats and kills the pagan usurper Eugenius at the Battle of the Frigidaire for drinking all of his Blue Lemonade.
1939 - South Africa declares war against Germany as an excuse to send all of their black people away.
1976 - The lemon becomes extinct.
1978 - Blue Lemonade becomes popular.
1982 - Blue Lemonade found to cause cancer
1983 - The government apologises for the cancer scare, saying that Blue Lemonade does, in actual fact, cause tuburculosis, and not cancer.
1999 - Study attributes large penis size in black men to intake of Blue Lemonade. Blue lemonade sales increase 300%.
2000 - Study determined to be only a sales tactic as black men only consume orange drink.
2002 - Monsanto claims intellectual propierty over Blue Lemonade. Third world Blue Lemonade producers are taken out of business.
2004 - Philip Seymour Hoffman becomes the first known human being to pee Blue Lemonade.
2006 - The Infamous Flying Horse, Pegasus is arrested and brought to jail on counts of theft and arsony of Blue Lemonade.
9785 - Blue lemonade allies with the Pope to destroy the universe. Earth catches fire. Someone sends this message into the past, in the form of an insane baby. No-one listens.

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Picture of the day

When it was invented, the lance with a brick on the end was considered a marvel of contemporary medieval war technology. The lance with a brick on the end made it possible for unexperienced, n00b knights to defeat 1337 knights using the old-fashioned, brick-free lances nine times out of ten. The vast superiority of the lance with a brick on the end led to its near-universal adoption within a period of less than two decades. Note that the n00b knight on the right also has an Apexi "Cat back" muffler system on his head, which is first evidence that riceboys existed as early as the 14th century.

Image credit: Sunsneezer
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