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From the Chief • Audio • Podcast • Goldstein Award • Foolitzer Prize • Ask Cthulhu • Ask Hal 9000 • Tech Support Tenth Planet Identified as 10th Least Cared-About Topic in Nation PARIS - Officials at the International Astronomical Union (IAU) in Paris expressed disappointment yesterday when they learned that the discovery of a tenth planet ranks 10th on a nationally compiled list of the 20 least cared-about news topics in America. 2003 UB313, the as-yet unnamed body, is larger than Pluto and has its own moon. The discovery of the planet had sparked a lively academic debate on the definition of a planet, but has yet to resonate with most Americans. -- more Update this · Discuss this Mr. Whipple squeezes Charmin, dies at 91 HOLLYWOOD, California -- Charmin pitchman and television icon Mr. Whipple, has died at the age of 91. Whipple, born George Whipple Bush but dropped his last name at age 18, died Monday after squeezing a package of Charmin that was contaminated with E. Coli. Whipple was unaware of the contamination, despite the warnings of bystanders at the local grocery store called Albertsons. "It was horrifying!" said John McCartney, 41. "I couldn't look. I had to cover my eyes." As he squeezed, the TV legend inhaled a bit of the bacteria, which quickly led to a heart attack and an unbearable urge to pee. Confused Whipple didn't know which one he needed to take care of first. -- more Update this · Discuss this Also, this other stuff happend Headlines (Add) Click a headline to make a story! Travis Kelce previews debut album after Super Bowl win Obama smears poop on day care Sean Evans tries world's hottest pepper, flips himself off Santa praises new EPA soot regulations Björk farts again, causes volcanic eruption in Iceland
	Departments Africa | Antarctica | Asia | Australia | Europe | Euthanasia | Super Asia | North America | Central America | South America | Middle East All regions, countries and topics Customer "service" Ask Cthulhu | Ask Hal 9000 | Tech Support UnNews Audio - Podcast UnNews:San Fransisco Marks Godzilla Attack Centennial (1425KB, info) UnNews:Times-Picayune, Sun Herald, UnNews Win Pulitzer (889KB, info) UnNews:Last Minute Tax Tips From UnNews (1216KB, info) UnNews:General Pace, Captain Morgan defend Rumsfeld (1906KB, info) UnNews:Enron's Skilling claims innocence as wallet doesn't fit (1155KB, info) UnNews:Governator declares emergency; vows to go back in time to stop flood (1236KB, info) UnNews:Wikipedia, Wikia Victim Of Wiki-Terrorism (2221KB, info) UnNews:Exploding frogs in Louisiana kill 4; martial law in effect (1507KB, info) UnNews:Uncyclopedia’s Cabal Plans to Clean House: Dozens of Uncyclopedians Given their Walking Papers (1112KB, info) UnNews:World Prepares for Bird Flu Pandemic (1228KB, info) UnNews:Ronald McDonald arrested for selling dope to children (1195KB, info) UnNews:Hit series Israel returns with new season (2440KB, info) UnNews:Iran Tests New Weapons (1099KB, info) UnNews:Gates offered to pay National Debt (1265KB, info) UnNews:Comittee for Standardization of Business Language founded (2098KB, info) UnNews:Collision of airborne TV station, crop duster, and diaper transport leaves 3 dead, 2 injured (1496KB, info) UnNews:Baptist Minister Confounded, Now Hates Everybody (826KB, info) UnNews:Easter Bunny Dies of Rabies (1270KB, info) UnNews:Uncyclopedia Suffers Mass Vandalisation (1306KB, info) UnNews:Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight (562KB, info) Unnews-Bush blames Saddam for Iraq instability (1374KB, info) UnNews-Spam is made of Cubans (3179877 bytes, info) A Lego-size sculpture of a naked Britney Spears (2243KB, info) Fox cancels more shows (3771179 bytes, info) College celebrates another year of raising tuition (1276KB, info) American Convert Could Face Death (650KB, info) Microsoft patant considarad valid (992KB, info) Bush Explains Deficit Spending is Fault of Leprechauns (2696KB, info) Judge Brings Down Ruling in New Jersey Satan Case (455KB, info) Nigerian census finds millions of rich, desperate princes (1225KB, info) AAAAAAAAA! (245KB, info) Got news and no fish? Call the Fish Monger +1-555-867-5309 (Ask for Jenny)
	edit Worldwide Forecast at a Glance: Starting in Europe where it should be dull and drizzly in the morning, a bit like waking up next to a lukewarm corpse. Expect full sun in the Sahara today, tomorrow, and the next day. Forecast alert: Expect 30 to 40 tornadoes to pummel dowtown LA and Hollywood with dropping box office receipts. In the orogenous zone, expect vertically erect systems to occur despite rear-end inflow. In summary, cool showers, cold beer, and grilled bratwurst makes Jack a happy happy man. Special Weather Report: A clog occurred at Niagara Falls late yesterday, causing the world's largest case of irritable bowel syndrome. Global Warming Indicator The odds of this forecast actually occurring is equal to the odds of an astronaut surviving a mission to Mars while being duct taped to a rhino.
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