User:Roza/main page/no extra sections

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Today's featured article
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Johnson! My fine fellow, I haven't seen you since the Boer War! Bah, we must have made a glorious slaughter of those Dutchies in the Jungle eh? Ha Ha Ha, please, sir, sit down!

Why the long face? What's this you say, you're having trouble with Women-folk? Oh dear Johnson, oh dear oh dear. Still, Stiff upper lip, or should I say Stiff lower member? Ha Ha Ha, that is the problem I assume Old boy?

What! Speak man!, you're not some mumbling Frisian I do hope! Do you walk around in wooden shoes? Do you spend your evenings getting baked, then calling directory enquiries, asking for the number to directory enquiries? HA. No, I didn't think so. You're BRITISH man! My God, speak up for the love of all that is gloriously pompous!

Well...

I hope you haven't been seeing those China-women Johnson. Oh Johnson you old rascal! You picked up an oriental venereal disease, didn't you? Oh there's no shame in it ole sport. Quite the rage. Come on man, whip it out, I'll see what I can do, come on don't be a shy old Aunt ... (Full article...)

On this day in history
This stoat is about to be molested. Donate now at donate.rainn.org to stop this madness.

May 23: Stop the Stoat Molesting Night

  • 818 - The Force is disturbed for the first time. The Force puts a "Do Not Disturb" sign on her door.
  • 1783 - Due to a lack of women, American pioneers settle for stoats.
  • 1828 - Soap factory accident creates marshmallows.
  • 1829 - Marshmallow factory accident creates tupperware.
  • 1831 - Tupperware factory accident kills dozens of women and children.
  • 1913 - Igor Stravinsky's The Rite Of Spring is first performed in Paris. It is a huge success and nobody riots, not even a little.
  • 2006 - Hal 9000 starts an advice column for worried humanoids, fails miserably.
  • 2007 - President George W. Bush accidentally knocks over his ant farm and cries.
Did You Know?
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  • ... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (Pictured)
  • ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
  • ... that under Communism, everyone gets a C?
  • ... that the butler did it?
  • ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
  • ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
  • ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
  • ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
  • ... that there is one imposter among us?
  • ... that under Communism, everyone gets a C?
  • ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
  • ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
Picture of the day
Modern Morris Minor
 It is evident that the car has come a long way since its original cardboard chassis design.

Image credit: Hindleyite
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