UnNews:Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; USA Joins in Support
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1 May 2024
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BOGOTÁ, Colombia, Fake America -- Millions of rioting Colombians are being thrown into giant paddy-wagons by Bogotá police in a tense standoff. The people are violently rioting for the right to take part in the annual Eurovision Song Contest, a European song contest in which Israel and Australia have been permitted to participate.
Colombia has a rich music culture where their very simplistic yet camp and cliché musical style would fit in perfectly with Eurovision. However, for many years now, Israel has vetoed Colombians from joining the contest, claiming that "Colombians just can't be gay" (a prerequisite for any group to perform at Eurovision). In a recent interview for CNN, Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu raised serious questions about the ability of Colombian people to be flamboyant homosexuals. As we all remember, the best TV show in the history of mankind, Yo soy Betty, la fea, is actually a Colombian show; but that show is so rampantly homophobic that, along with Colombia's brutal machista culture, Israel has concerns about how much Colombians are able to express their gayness at the Eurovision. Netanyahu was quoted as saying: "Colombians are so manly, you can smell their ball sweat from a mile away. No one would take them seriously dancing around on stage in plastic pants singing about forbidden love".
In solidarity with Colombia, former American musician Britney Spears has started a riot of her own on Instagram. She wants America to participate too as she is sure, as America's most famous gay male singer, that she would win the contest year after year. Unfortunately the press has focused more on her deranged antics and the time she accidentally destroyed Los Angeles in 2007 than her quest to become the next Conchita Wurst.
The official Eurovision response to all this was that they, as Eurovision values state: "are open minded about any country wanting to join but are sceptical that any Colombian coke selling mafia man could be gay enough to participate in Eurovision" and are so disturbed by Britney's Instagram posts that they are suing her for libel and emotional trauma.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- NYPD officers enter building occupied by Columbia students. CNN, May 1, 2024
- Gaza protests: UN rights chief flags ‘disproportionate’ police action on US campuses. Fake UnNews, April 30, 2024
- KAROL G - Pineapple (Official Video). YouTube, 6 years ago
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