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Today's featured article

Evil Jesus, the Messiah to all evil, not-so-evil, and irritable people, is the kind of Messiah who starts a brawl and then stands back to videotape the show. He's the type of Saviour who complains about your favorite movie while his guys lift your wallet. And contrary to popular belief, he is not a friend to the poor. He couldn't care less about them.

Yet Evil Jesus is talented in a twisty sort of way. He is responsible for all supernatural events. Ouija boards, psychic mediums, hauntings, out-of-body and in-the-body experiences, and all unnatural end-around's are Evil Jesus' bread and butter. Because of this, many poets and journalists confuse Evil Jesus with the antichrist. Yet he is very much the opposite of both Christ and antichrist. He's a veritable metaphysical Houdini!

Evil Jesus was born October 12 in 0 BC to 13-year-old Holy Milf Mary and her 85-year-old boytoy, Joey. Because they lived before the formation of Vatican City, which allows you to hump a 12-year-old while standing in line at the communion rail, they told everyone God had humped Mary to keep the authorities away from "Pedo Joe". But they hadn't needed to worry about it, because soon after Jesus was born Joey drank himself to death on a bet. (Full article...)

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Donald Trump is the first convicted President of the United States

Donald Trump found GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES (Pictured), soon to debut "prison orange" business suit
Antarctica becomes embroiled in upside-down flag controversy
Michael Jackson comes back to life
Justin Bieber gives birth to a baby, baby, baby, oooh
Switzerland wins Eurovision
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YouTube is dead
D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis
Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support
Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge
NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays
Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig

Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Drake-Kendrick Lamar feud · Israel-Hamas conflict
Recent deaths: Roger Corman · Drake's "whole mans career" · Dabney Coleman · Kabosu · Richard M. Sherman (Disney musician) · Doug Ingle · Bill Walton
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On this day in history

June 1: International Children's Day

1212 - Over thirty-thousand peasant children march to the Holy Land to drive the wicked Saracens from Jerusalem! Saracens rejoice at wholesale savings.
1853 - Concept of childhood invented to annoy parents, before this, children were treated like malformed little people who turned into adults when belted enough.
1943 - After months of rigorous testing, German scientists finally disprove theory that boys are made out of snips, snails and puppy dog tails.
1954 - Beloved novel about the inherent savagery of British children is published, is immediately banned in the U.S due to perceived homosexual undertones.
1979 - Film adaptation of Newbery Award winning novel, The Dog Who Went to Heaven Because he Died, wins another Newbery Award.
1991 - Little boy who lives down the street dies from rat poison hidden in strangers' candy, and disrespecting his grandpa.
2006 - Widespread protests following allegations that the CIA tortured Jihadis by making them eat cafeteria food.

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Did you know?

... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)

... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
... that Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide?
... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise?
... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?

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Today's featured lists

Featured today a long time ago[edit | edit source]

UnBooks:The Black and White House: Hillary and Barack, featured on 1 June 2016: Featured version
Electric Light Orchestra, featured on 1 June 2015: Featured version
Evil Jesus, featured on 1 June 2014: Featured version
Phone sex, featured on 1 June 2013: Featured version
UnNews:Junior designer makes her own prom dress, featured on 1 June 2012: Featured version

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Today's featured picture

A screenshot from Age of Umpires II: Age of Cricket. In this example, we see the classic "Shotgun-Seven" formation being used to maximum effect. Any good Umpire would note that this places a good deal of emphasis on the left side, making it easy enough to sneak in the stray foul wicket.

Image credit: Hindleyite
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