Portal:Zoology
Bears are far more intimately associated with the avocation of shystering than one might expect. After developing the concept of imaginary numbers, and inventing a four-dimensional analogue to the Rubik's Cube (constructed entirely of time and pressed ham), bears found themselves bored and undertook to learn the way of the gavel. Ever since, a growing proportion of our nation's most effective judges and advocates have been bears - among them renowned early-20th-century judge Learned Paw and trial counsel Clarence Darrow (who, in the celebrated Scopes "monkey trial" of 1925, decimated William Jennings Bryan's anti-evolutionary campaign by turning into a human over the course of closing arguments). This article spotlights just a few examples of the intimate linkage between pomaded, sanctimonious alcoholics and Giant Furry Blobs of Imminent Death (trademark pending).
Property - Real property
Historically, the Anglo-American common law has recognized two broad categories of easement (i.e., an interest in real property, divorced from fee ownership and consisting in a right to use the property for specified purposes). These are the easement appurtenant and the easement in gross. With bears' growing demands for civil rights and increasing participation in human society…
A Dead Rat is a fine choice as a pet. If well cared for, it can provide many years of companionship, all the while making very minimal demands on you, its new owner. If you've had other pets in the past, you'll find that Dead Rats are truly exceptional companion animals. With a very small investment of your time and money, they can become almost entirely self reliant, while still being there for you 100% of the time. Unlike some other pets, which would prefer to spend some nights outside the home hunting for small game, or which may want to spend part of the day sleeping and don't want to be awakened, Dead Rats will never leave you alone, and will never object to being awakened from a nap.
Acquiring your Dead Rat If you haven't yet acquired your Dead Rat, or if you're thinking of bringing home a few more Dead Rats, you should give some thought to what sort of Dead Rat will best suit your needs. There are several ways to obtain Dead Rats, and which one you choose will depend on exactly what sort of rat you want.
Roadkill - By far the cheapest and easiest method for obtaining a Dead Rat! Just look for a dead rat lying in the road, and take it home.
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| Cockpunching will not be featured. However, if you are interested, this is how you would do it. |
NEW YORK, NY -- Today, Central Park Zoo in New York City announced that it would be abandoning the concept of the "petting zoo" and replacing it with a new "punching zoo," in which small children will be allowed to punch, and otherwise abuse, small animals.
The move will likely revolutionize the petting zoo business, which has been steadily declining in recent years. The CEO of central park zoo, T.J. Abram, explains, "Nobody really cared about petting zoos anymore. I mean, seriously, why would any child want to be gentle and loving to a small animal? That implies that human beings actually CARE about the natural world!" At this point, Abram laughed derisively. "I realized that, if petting zoos were to continue doing business in this world, we'd have to change our business model drastically. So I decided to reform our zoo so it was now based on recreational animal abuse!"…
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