Portal:Zoology

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Zoology Portal)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The Zoological Portal
Foodchain.gif
Zoology (not to be confused with zooology (the study of animal enclosures) or zoooology (the study of animal eggs)) is the study of animals themselves, and the determination of how they can best be exploited by humans and other extraterrestrial lifeforms. (See more...)
Selected Article
A common technique is to use a Unicorn Lure™, available from UniTech©...

It's not easy to kill a unicorn. From far away, and even from up close, unicorns are real pretty n' shit. But if you know unicorns like I don't, you would have a real problem with em. FUCA has been recruiting people to our cause for a century with a list of complaints we have against unicorns, a book of recipes, sex positions, a map of unicorn hideouts, and a list of reasons to hunt unicorns in the first place.

The most important reason to want to bring down one of these creatures is for the horn. There are a lot of different theories on what the horn is filled with, but I can tell you right now, it's gotta be worth something. If you tear the horn off the unicorn's head and sprinkle its contents all over the place, you'll be able to fly.

Written by Cajek
Selected Image
Firedolfin.jpg
Image by Erviltnec
Creature Feature
The common Lemonope.

The lemonope is a large-ish mammal with the appearance of a lemon and antelope combined. The Lemonope lives in the lesser known regions of the moon and is said to have been sighted on Earth.

Origins

The Lemonope is said to have originated from a freak cross-breeding with lemons and antelope, but it is far more likely that it is a cheap joke on behalf of God, making us worry our little heads off and invent theories about origins of the species etc. Scientists have studied the Lemonope for decades since its discovery in WWII when one was seen giving a speech to a group of assembled Germans. It was never agreed how the Lemonope came to be in this position in the first place, but when questioned it answered "meeeehhh meh meeh", which cleared that up.

Habits

The Lemonope, like the antelope, engages in fierce battles with other males in order to get the female's attention. The difference being that Lemonopes do not use their horns to attack one another, but instead fire stinging bitter lemon juice into the eyes of their adversary.

Written by Dasistgutja
In the News
Don't make hippopotamus angry.jpg
Template:Listen small

FLINT, Michigan -- Little Abigail Sweeney's Christmas morning began normally, with her creeping down the stairs, eyes shut with anticipation. Then upon opening her eyes she saw, with joy and surprise, the present her doting parents and Santa Claus had gotten her. A hippo hero standing there. Exactly as she had asked for!

Ms. Sweeney then opened the rest of her presents, ate her figgy-pudding, and drank her egg nog, all the time sharing the experience with her new friend, her hippo hero. The day turned tragic when Ms. Sweeney began giving the hippopotamus a foot massage in her parent's two-car garage and was quickly sat on to death by the two-and-a-half-ton beast.

"We were a little worried that something bad might happen", said her father, Jasper Sweeney, 38. "We explained to her at one point that it would eat her, but she just laughed and said her teacher told her it was a veg-e-tar-ian."…

Archive Article credit: KnaveOfWonderland (more...)
Further Reading
Portal:Zoology/Further Reading
More Portals
Portals complement topics that nobody cares about and expand upon topics that everybody cares even less about.
Retrieved from "https://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Portal:Zoology&oldid=6376196"