Portal:Zoology
Bears are far more intimately associated with the avocation of shystering than one might expect. After developing the concept of imaginary numbers, and inventing a four-dimensional analogue to the Rubik's Cube (constructed entirely of time and pressed ham), bears found themselves bored and undertook to learn the way of the gavel. Ever since, a growing proportion of our nation's most effective judges and advocates have been bears - among them renowned early-20th-century judge Learned Paw and trial counsel Clarence Darrow (who, in the celebrated Scopes "monkey trial" of 1925, decimated William Jennings Bryan's anti-evolutionary campaign by turning into a human over the course of closing arguments). This article spotlights just a few examples of the intimate linkage between pomaded, sanctimonious alcoholics and Giant Furry Blobs of Imminent Death (trademark pending).
Property - Real property
Historically, the Anglo-American common law has recognized two broad categories of easement (i.e., an interest in real property, divorced from fee ownership and consisting in a right to use the property for specified purposes). These are the easement appurtenant and the easement in gross. With bears' growing demands for civil rights and increasing participation in human society…
A Grue (Gruesomicius ravenousi) is a box-shaped gap-toothed mammal known for eating humans, though more recently they have been known to kill certain lone wolves, construction workers, a gerbil or two, speranah, the occasional monkey, people who send annoying chain e-mails, your pets, and...well, Grues like eating a lot of things. Grues are not often seen roaming the wilderness in herds, whistling old-time Irish pub songs, working on crossword puzzles, and calculating the amount of back taxes owed by car salesmen. The reason Grues are not often seen doing anything is because grues live in total darkness, so the whole "seeing" thing would be kind of hard to do. The likelihood of being eaten by a grue is probably non-zero.
It is widely believed that all emeralds are grue, but in fact, all emeralds are bleen.
There are an estimated 47 grues left in the United States today due to the Grue conservation program - luckily all grues are kept under heavy rocks, or locked away in abandoned biker bars.
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| Toby in happier times. |
The government of Mali has been forced to apologise after a camel, given to French President François Hollande as a present, was eaten by a local who later described the beast as 'delicious'.
President Hollande was given Toby the camel in February as a gesture of thanksgiving after France had sent troops to Mali to regain the north from a loose coalition of militant Islamist groups. As is traditional when Western leaders receive weird shit from the natives, Hollande smiled bravely, made a good natured joke, and promptly left the camel with a nearby family, to be "taken care of".
The head of that local family, Dioncounda Yamyam, took care of Toby particularly well for about 10 minutes, posing for photos, before stabbing him through the brain with a dagger and making him into a tagine.
The incident has caused much embarrassment in Mali, and Yamyam was forced into hiding. He told us, "I am really sorry, but when he said 'take care of this for me' I thought he meant it in the Mafia sense.…
| Archive | Article credit: Leverage | (more...) |
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