Portal:Zoology
Bears are far more intimately associated with the avocation of shystering than one might expect. After developing the concept of imaginary numbers, and inventing a four-dimensional analogue to the Rubik's Cube (constructed entirely of time and pressed ham), bears found themselves bored and undertook to learn the way of the gavel. Ever since, a growing proportion of our nation's most effective judges and advocates have been bears - among them renowned early-20th-century judge Learned Paw and trial counsel Clarence Darrow (who, in the celebrated Scopes "monkey trial" of 1925, decimated William Jennings Bryan's anti-evolutionary campaign by turning into a human over the course of closing arguments). This article spotlights just a few examples of the intimate linkage between pomaded, sanctimonious alcoholics and Giant Furry Blobs of Imminent Death (trademark pending).
Property - Real property
Historically, the Anglo-American common law has recognized two broad categories of easement (i.e., an interest in real property, divorced from fee ownership and consisting in a right to use the property for specified purposes). These are the easement appurtenant and the easement in gross. With bears' growing demands for civil rights and increasing participation in human society…
The lemonope is a large-ish mammal with the appearance of a lemon and antelope combined. The Lemonope lives in the lesser known regions of the moon and is said to have been sighted on Earth.
Origins
The Lemonope is said to have originated from a freak cross-breeding with lemons and antelope, but it is far more likely that it is a cheap joke on behalf of God, making us worry our little heads off and invent theories about origins of the species etc. Scientists have studied the Lemonope for decades since its discovery in WWII when one was seen giving a speech to a group of assembled Germans. It was never agreed how the Lemonope came to be in this position in the first place, but when questioned it answered "meeeehhh meh meeh", which cleared that up.
Habits
The Lemonope, like the antelope, engages in fierce battles with other males in order to get the female's attention. The difference being that Lemonopes do not use their horns to attack one another, but instead fire stinging bitter lemon juice into the eyes of their adversary.
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SAN FRANCISCO, California -- Earlier today a heroic attempt was made by San Francisco Fire Fighters as they braved a burning building to save two kittens. The kittens were found unconscious in the living room, surrounded by flame and smoke when two daring fire fighters lifted the kittens, broke down the front door with an axe and rushed the kittens outside where paramedics successfully revived the kittens. On a related note, Grandma may still be inside the building.
The kittens made a full recovery and were soon back on their feet drinking milk from a bowl, which received an approving "Awww..." from everyone present. The kittens are indeed very cute, both are brown with blue eyes and have, according to one neighboring resident, "the cutest little kitty faces" she has ever seen. A combined effort was made to wash and dry the kittens to get the soot off of their fur which later turned out to be a success. At one point a man came running from down the street and ran into the burning building yelling "Grandma's still in there!". After a confusing moment of silence, the kitty washing continued.…
| Archive | Article credit: Raliter | (more...) |
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