Portal:Zoology
“On Thursday morning, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Water polo player. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up, down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist.”
– Robert Shaw on the sick realities of Water Polo... With Sharks!
Water Polo... With Sharks! is the hardest game to play, bar none. The sport is exactly the same as regular water polo, but with sharks. The Sharks are not aligned on either of the two competing teams, nor are they their own team, they are just thrown into the pool to add some spice, zest, and lethal danger into what would otherwise be a bland and inconsequential game of water polo. Although extremely difficult, and with a low survival rate, it's a great way to get yourself a scholarship to college. It is also notable for having the least-qualified and worst referees of any sport ever.
A Dead Rat is a fine choice as a pet. If well cared for, it can provide many years of companionship, all the while making very minimal demands on you, its new owner. If you've had other pets in the past, you'll find that Dead Rats are truly exceptional companion animals. With a very small investment of your time and money, they can become almost entirely self reliant, while still being there for you 100% of the time. Unlike some other pets, which would prefer to spend some nights outside the home hunting for small game, or which may want to spend part of the day sleeping and don't want to be awakened, Dead Rats will never leave you alone, and will never object to being awakened from a nap.
Acquiring your Dead Rat If you haven't yet acquired your Dead Rat, or if you're thinking of bringing home a few more Dead Rats, you should give some thought to what sort of Dead Rat will best suit your needs. There are several ways to obtain Dead Rats, and which one you choose will depend on exactly what sort of rat you want.
Roadkill - By far the cheapest and easiest method for obtaining a Dead Rat! Just look for a dead rat lying in the road, and take it home.
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| Cockpunching will not be featured. However, if you are interested, this is how you would do it. |
NEW YORK, NY -- Today, Central Park Zoo in New York City announced that it would be abandoning the concept of the "petting zoo" and replacing it with a new "punching zoo," in which small children will be allowed to punch, and otherwise abuse, small animals.
The move will likely revolutionize the petting zoo business, which has been steadily declining in recent years. The CEO of central park zoo, T.J. Abram, explains, "Nobody really cared about petting zoos anymore. I mean, seriously, why would any child want to be gentle and loving to a small animal? That implies that human beings actually CARE about the natural world!" At this point, Abram laughed derisively. "I realized that, if petting zoos were to continue doing business in this world, we'd have to change our business model drastically. So I decided to reform our zoo so it was now based on recreational animal abuse!"…
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