User talk:Cainad

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THANK'D!!

REJOICE!
You have received the
Double-Douser's Award
for exemplary utilization of boiling, scorchingly hot water.

Thank you for helping make
Why?:Pour Boiling Hot Water Down Your Trousers?
the most strongly favored article in Uncyclopedia history!

Hope this is an acceptable place for this; Thanks so much!! :) --THINKER 06:20, 22 June 2007 (UTC)

You're welcome! That article improved my life in numerable ways! --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 02:31, 24 June 2007 (UTC)

CRABS!

That was a pretty fun article. Thanks, chum. Ж Kalir, Wandering Hippie Salesman 02:11, 24 June 2007 (UTC)

Thanks, I had fun writing it. I have made a habit of writing goofy articles that few people will ever read because of their obscurity, Crab sorcerer is one of those. --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 02:31, 24 June 2007 (UTC)

A Tightly-Knotted Thank You

Thank you for choosing the Bow tie You are now more attractive, more intelligent, and more popular in school.

Glad the work was deemed Acceptable. ;) --THINKER 05:57, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

Much appreciated. That article will undoubtedly change my life, once I purchase my own bow tie. --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 06:08, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

I'd say take pictures, but the raw masculinity might break your camera.. :D --THINKER 06:11, 29 July 2007 (UTC)

Happy Belated Birthday!

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Flours on your birthday! Sorry for the delay. Happy Birthday! RabbiTechno

Thank you all so much! I can't think of a pithy comment to follow up with! --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 06:37, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

UnClan

Congratulations on joining the Unclan (or whatever we decide to call it). Because you are the second guy to join, I make you a Sergeant of the Clan, since I need Noncoms. --Capercorn FLAME! what? UNATO OWS 12:27, 5 August 2007 (UTC)

Uhh. um, yeah.

I play KoL. Can I join The Oscar Wilde society? --Lt. High Gen. Grue The Few The Proud, The Marines 00:34, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

Done! The Oscar Wilde Society is now five members strong. --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 00:42, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

The giant flaming eye of the beholder

Thanks for taking my criticism in stride, but I really do suggest you get several opinions. I sense a Monty Python-esque vibe here, and just because it was a miss with me doesn't mean it won't be a hit with other people. And thanks for passing along that bit about granary being a verb in the UK. I love useless trivia like that. -Tritefantastic 03:27, 10 August 2007 (UTC)

Thanks For voting!

For voting for my page, as well as your kind words, I award you this template:

	The Led Balloon has awarded you a handy pamphlet, so that you will always remember how to check for lumps.
	Thanks for voting on my article, and giving me TWO FEATURES IN A ROW! Also: beware the deadly lumps!

Thanks again, P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:17, Aug 19, 2007

Thanks, Cainad!

THE has granted you an express invitation to Skippy Leadwell's Funeral. The eulogy will be delivered by Leviticus, one of his favorite blades of grass who is being flown in first-class from Africa. Mr. Leadwell will be laid to rest on a pile of grass clippings. There he will lie with his brothers for eternity. Or at least until he starts to smell.

Thank you for voting for UnScripts:Grass in the Mist! --THE 21:41, 20 August 2007 (UTC)

And now, a Public Service Announcement

Thekillerfroggy and Doctor Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Skullthumper would like for donating to the Throws and Downs Club of America. So keep your pillows held up in your room, lock your liquor cabinet, and alert the local authorities of possible pillboxes. Only you can prevent pillow fighting!

Question about making templates

Um...how do you make templates, if that's possible? I saw a "proud to be straight" template on Spang's page, and I want to make a "proud to be bisexual" template. Starry 11:15, 20 September 2007 (UTC)

The simplest way to do that is to click "edit", and then find the code (don't click "Save Changes"). You might find the code for it right in the page, but most likely, you will see something like {{whatever}}, as this is the standard way to include templates in pages. Once you find it, type template:whatever into the search box and click "Go". This will take you to the actual template page, where you can then click "edit" or "view source" to copy the code.

Once you have the code you want to make your own template from, paste it directly into your own userpage wherever you want it and make the necessary changes. This is easier than making it into a template and including it using the {{curly braces}}. I'd make the template for you myself if I could find the one you mentioned, but I don't see the template you're talking about on Spang's page.

And finally, just a quick and pointless reminder that occurred to me: remember to use the "Show Preview" button when experimenting with templates. It is your friend. --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 04:50, 22 September 2007 (UTC)

This Uncyclopedian is happy to be 100% straight.

Starry 15:37, 22 September 2007 (UTC)

Ah, excellent. So, what you want to do is go to template:straight, and copy the template code. You'll end up with something like this:

<div style="float: left; border: solid black 1px; margin: 1px;">
{| cellspacing="0" style="width: 238px; background: black;"
| style="width: 45px; height: 45px; background: black; text-align: center; font-size: 14pt; color: white;" | '''[[Image:Straight.jpg|80px]]'''
| style="font-size: 12pt; padding: 4pt; line-height: 1.25em; color: white;" | '''This Uncyclopedian is happy to be 100% straight'''
|}</div>

Paste this wherever you want it to appear, then start making the necessary changes. I can't really change the picture (if you go to UN:PIC, show them the original image Image:Straight.jpg, and ask them to make a bisexual version, chances are someone will make something for you fairly quickly. Those potatochoppers are pretty good.), but the text part is easy to change:

<div style="float: left; border: solid black 1px; margin: 1px;">
{| cellspacing="0" style="width: 238px; background: black;"
| style="width: 45px; height: 45px; background: black; text-align: center; font-size: 14pt; color: white;" | '''[[Image:Straight.jpg|80px]]'''
| style="font-size: 12pt; padding: 4pt; line-height: 1.25em; color: white;" | '''This Uncyclopedian is happy to be 100% bisexual'''
|}</div>

Now you have this:

This Uncyclopedian is happy to be 100% bisexual

Obviously, this is just changing the text within the template, without changing the formatting. The best way to learn about formatting is just to experiment; paste the stuff into User:Homiestar/sandbox, and try changing stuff around, like the background color or whatever. You won't become a formatting wizard this way, but it should give you a grasp of the basics. Chances are, you'll never have to make a template from scratch, so learning how to steal copy-paste code and alter it to suit your needs should be all you'll ever need. --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 20:53, 22 September 2007 (UTC)

Genteel gratitude

Thanks for joining the campaign against this sort of thing. By swelling our already formidable ranks, you have helped ensure that our voice will not go unheard! Glorious success will yet be ours! Sorry dear, I will keep the noise down. Thanks for your vote.

You have been thanked. Have a good day. --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 08:32, 24 September 2007 (UTC)

Books never written

There is a book you could add to Books never written - Lord Acton's "A History of Liberty", which is known as "The Greatest Book Never Written", primarily cause that's the case.

Just do a search for "Lord Acton the greatest book never written", and you'll see. :) Imperator█Dark_Apostrophe█The Memory Hole 19:47, 14 October 2007 (UTC)

Heh, that's pretty cool. I never would have thought to use Google to make a funny. Thanks! --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 02:30, 15 October 2007 (UTC)

Oh, dear me. I'm not breaking some taboo on vote whoring, am I?

MY FELLOW AMERICAN, the time has come! TOO LONG have America-related articles LANGUISHED in mediocrity! JOIN WITH ME, and TOGETHER we shall see AMERICANS step forth into a GOLDEN FUTURE! VOTE for American (species)!

Unless, of course, you're British. But I can't be picky when whoring myself.

This advertisement was paid for by the Uncyclopedian Society for a More Evolved American, which is in no way affiliated with the Association of Uncyclopedians Who Are Shameless Vote Whores.

--_CUN RA ^{Talk to me} _ 22:02, 22 October 2007 (UTC)

Thank you

Thank you for voting for American (species)! As thanks, I wanted to give you an actual species of Americanus, but, as I discovered, human sex slaves are apparently illegal, so this patriotic iguana will have to do. Sincerely, CUN RA Talk to me _

--Acolyte CUN RA My cat is better than Benson ^{talk stalk} 03:26, 2 November 2007 (UTC)

BOO!

"Please ma'am, hand over the deed. No ma'am, I'm not joking, I'm somber, which is the only emotion I'm capable of experiencing." Ooooh...too bad about your house...still, thanks for voting for UnNews:Record percentage of children dressed up as mortgage foreclosure bankers this Halloween!

Thanks for the vote!!! --THE 20:09, 15 November 2007 (UTC)

One Of These

	HEY LOSER! Here's another semi-personalized (that's a lie) Merry Christmas template to add to the overwhelming pile you've got building up on your talk page right now. Have a Merry Christmas, or I'll come over there and make you have a Merry Christmas.
	If you don't already have a pile of these building up, you're a hopeless loser that nobody on Uncyclopedia likes...sorry. Yours truly, RAHB

Happy Holidays, or some such. -RAHB 03:37, 17 December 2007 (UTC)

Chronicles?

You're the chronicler of BENSON, if I recall correctly... right? If so, the chap was on IRC the other night, and I have the logs. Feel like chronicling some shit? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:15, Aug 1

Well thank you; I haven't had anything to chronicle in about a zillion years. --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 14:40, 1 August 2008 (UTC)

Hi there

This is a message from your friendly neighbourhood Illogicopedia administrator. Illogicopedia has moved from its home at Wikia! Despite what Wikia claim none of the community remain there - the site can now be found at:

http://www.illogicopedia.org

If you received this message, it's because you were a user at the old Illogicopedia and haven't yet created an account at the new site. A fair notice, because Wikia evidently refuses to acknowledge the departing community's existence!

Anyway, have fun on the new site, and fnurdletoot.

-- Hindleyite Converse • ?pedia 13:53, 21 November 2008 (UTC)

Coal

A good article! I like them short (long ones tend to run out of issues at some point and become boring); others will probably tell you it's too short. The black lung disease bit is the only spot I would do some other way. Maybe "benefits of the..."? The "ha ha" sort of remedies it though. Keep writing them! -- Style  Guide 11:12, 27 November 2008 (UTC)

Thanks. It's good to know that I can still write after months of only poking my head in the forums from time to time. --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 04:26, 29 November 2008 (UTC)

Adopt a n00b

Cainad, This is my first day here (6/9) and I saw you in Adopt a Noob. It says you aren't looking for an adoptee, but it also says you'll accept one more. That confused me, so I'm here.

Who am I? I just started here today, but I've edited several wikis and I sometimes claim to be Discordian. Right now I'm trying to improve the PETA article because it's stupid not funny. I rewrote much of the first two sections so you can see what you think of my edits.

This is why you should adopt me instead of one of those other kids:

1) I'm already potty trained.

2) I know to plus too does not equal fore.

3) I know my sense of humor sucks. Which means I rewrite and rewrite until people think it's funny.

4) I won't be a pain like most adoptees. I won't move into your house and expect you to support me. Because I won't be moving in, I won't drink your booze, wear your socks or take your car for a spin while I'm wearing your socks and drinking your booze.

5) I stared at the dots on your user page. Now I'm your friend. You made me one so now you're responsible for me. You're my friend too. Don't believe me? Stare at the dots.

Now will you adopt me?

Sure, why not? I'm always happy to help out a fellow Discordian. I can see you've done a lot of work on the PETA article (a lot more work than I've done on this wiki in quite a while). You seem to have the hang of wiki code already, but one tip for discussion pages on Uncyc: sign your edits on discussion pages with four tildes, like this ~~~~. Oh and I suppose I should change my status on the Adopt-A-Noob page now. --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 12:40, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

I'm so sorry I took so long to answer! I started here right before finals. I went on vacation, moved to my uncle's place, and forgot to thank you! I knew about using the four tildes I just forgot! Also please look at the PETA page I hope it looks good now but it can be better. Miley Spears 04:22, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Award from UN:REQ

This user created Crab sorcerer, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

This user created Bacon and Cheese Sandwich of 1905, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

MadMax 21:06, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Congratulations! I just got an award from MadMax for starting Ricardo_Montalbán! Really I just did enough to get it started other peeps made it better! Miley Spears 01:17, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh sweet, I got not one but TWO awards despite being mostly absent for ages. I rule. --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 16:37, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

PETA article

Hey Daddy! Or are you my Mommy? I've really been trying to fix the PETA article, which was stupid not funny. I tried to make it funny and stupid. I've made a lot of changes -- http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=PETA&diff=4019191&oldid=3893105 Any suggestions? Miley Spears 04:51, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Noob of the Month and Feature Article Nominee

As you're my Daddy (or Mommy?) I want to show you my report card. I got nominated for N00b of the Month twice! Except the first time it was removed because I technically don't quality. I posted here for one day before finals, then was gone for a month and a half before I came back and posted like crazy. I'm at my uncle's place in the middle of nowhere, so there's nothing else to do. Miley Spears 16:29, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

The article God which I helped edit is currently being voted on as a feature article. Aren't you proud of me? Miley Spears 17:06, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

You're the Perfect Daddy (or Mommy--shouldn't you have a talk with me?)

You're the perfect Daddy (or Mommy) except for not telling me about, you know, sex. But that's OK because I learned about it where every girl should learn, on the Internets!

This is why you're perfect:

• You never say I can't go out on a date with strange boys (or girls).
• You never ask me questions like, "Where have you been? Who have you been seeing? Why do I hear strange noises from your bedroom at night and then see a strange boy at the breakfast table?"
• You never tell me "no."
• You never bother me when I want to be alone.
• You never greet me in the morning wearing a Jason mask covered with blood while threatening to cut my bacon with a chainsaw.

And for that I love you! Or at least I don't hate you. :D Miley Spears 19:24, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

This user is a Discordian -- at least in some sense.

Congratulations, you're a Discordian! Because I said so. I won't be the daughter of anyone who isn't. (Actually, I just made this and you're the first person other than me I gave it to.) Miley Spears 04:19, 22 August 2009 (UTC)

This chick is leaving the nest so Bye Daddy!

I know you adopted me and then I wasn't here for a month and half, which was totally unfair to you. But since them, I've been nommed and denommed Noob of the Month, am now being nommed for Uncyclopedia:Useless Gobshite of the Month, got a Golden Shower Award for a Pee Review, have written a few articles, improved a few more, and got the three time huffed article Brooke Shields featured. So I really don't think I'm a noob anymore.

Don't worry, you're still my Daddy (I spied on you when you took a shower, so now I know your sex). But you see I met this guy who's really cool, and he's only been to prison three times, no I mean five times, and he's not nearly as violent as he was last week, and he's thinking about some day looking for a job of some kind when he really feels like it, and there's some major diseases he doesn't even have, and he almost never beats me every morning at breakfast (he doesn't get up until 2 p.m.), and he's sober at least once a month, and also my period's late this month. So we're going to move into his parents' basement because they set it up as a bomb shelter and they never go down there because they're afraid of the rats and rattle snakes that live down there, and also his Dad's dead and his Mom sits on the toilet watching TV and hasn't moved off it for six months, so they won't even know we're there.

I promise I'll still write or email or something, and I'll always love you, Daddy! Your precious and really not pregnant daughter really. DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 01:05, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Daddy you wanted to be a Grandpa right?

Um, Daddy? Um, you know how I said I wasn't pregnant? Well, um, I, um, oh snap! I'm not pregnant I adopted a baby! That's what happened! Really! His name is Why do I need to provide this? and he wrote a great article and started another and made some pics and is nominated for Noob of the Month! You can vote for him, really, cuz he's your grandson! Also I'm working on our family tree and I'm not sure who your parents are. You're the son of some lady who knew Cain and Adam (that's where Cain Ad comes from, right?), that part I know. But who's your Mommy? I don't think I ever met Grandma. Really I never see you either! But that's Ok. But when you get back you'll have like a million messages here from your little girl! DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 23:04, September 11, 2009 (UTC)

You have my full parental support, dear... and that's because you NEED it, on account of you didn't marry a nice doctor or lawyer or Uncyclopedia Administrator. But godspeed anyway, and may the blessings of a thousand hilarious whoopee cushions be upon you. --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 17:23, September 20, 2009 (UTC)

Wow! I heard from Daddy! Thanks, Daddy! But you really wanted me to marry an Admin? Oh well, I still have time to get married, I suppose. And don't forget to vote for your Grandson! DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 03:23, September 22, 2009 (UTC)

Your Grandson Why do I need to provide this? was named Noob of the Month for September 2009! And I was named Useless Gobshite of the Month for September 2009! What a family we have! DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 03:32, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Congratulations you're a Great Grandpa!

It's a baby and her name is Puffskein! And look, she's already learning sign language!

I'm the adoptive Daddy of Puffskein; I was adopted by Miley; Miley was adopted by you; so that makes you Great Grandpa. Congratulations, Grandpa! Be sure to go see your new great grandchild! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:06, November 5, 2009 (UTC)

This is apparently way overdue....

Commander of the Order

Commander of the Order

Belated congratulations, Grandpa! I added your name to the Commander (CUN) section of Order of Uncyclopedia. You qualify on the basis of being the primary author of a featured article. You can add an appropriate flag to your name if you like (you can see what others have done there; a flag is optional). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  17:36, November 7, 2009 (UTC)

It's a mermaid!

Father Why? has another baby! It's a bouncing little mermaid.

Please say hi to your new great-granddaughter Little Mermaid!  Father WHY??? (confessions)  18:52, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

It's a boy!

It's a baby and his name is HELPME because that's what his mother screamed when he was born. And look, he's already learning how to read!

So go say hi to your new great grandson! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:33, January 30, 2010 (UTC)

Hey Grandpa I had another Boy!

Here's my new baby Rifting who's already learning from his older brother! Yes, being a man I have to bottle feed my sons. But if you can get your daughter to loan her breasts....

So go say hi to your new grandson! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:26, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Our family tree

This is by User:Pelargonium.

King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:47, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

Cainad, Mah Boi!

Since you've been not existing for a long time, I'm going to be removing you off the adopters list, in an effort to make it easier for noobs to find an adopter who's active. Feel free to add yourself back if you become more active at any time in the future. Cheers. -RAHB 05:25, September 18, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks; chances are I won't be adopting any more n00bs in the future. --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 02:53, October 28, 2010 (UTC)

You're a Great-Great Grandfather

Sorry for the late notice, but I've been hiding from the tax man busy working freelance for a while and haven't been in touch. I just learned my son HELPME had a child and didn't even tell me about. Why would people in our family be worried about a little child-out-of-wedlock? Or maybe HELPME was actually married to the child's mother, and that's why he's embarassed. In any case, Lordarcadian is the adoptive son of HELPME; HELPME is my adoptive son; I was adopted by Miley; Miley was adopted by you; so that makes you Great-Great Grandpa. Congratulations, Grandpa! Also Lordarcadian is also a CUN.

Here's a unretouched photo of your great-great grandson:

Lordarcadian on his first day of school, age 35.

King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:26, April 27, 2011 (UTC)

It's beginning to look a lot like…

See you next year! The first annual *Kiss My Ass* Holiday Competition has officially ended for 2021

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Up for grabs is the coveted Clark Griswold Award for Holiday Cheer. Who will be crowned Holiday Victor?

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Judgement day is upon ye!

Seasons Greetings!

It's that special time of year. A wonderful time for friends and family to rejoice in gaiety. Not you! You usually spend all of your hard-earned money on gifts for them, and now you just want to hibernate until your finances recuperate. Well, here at Uncyclopedia, entering our newest competition won't cost you a penny — Sign Up Today! (pretty please)  –     (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 14:37, 13 December 2021