UPDATE!!! the very wrong reverend major zim_ulator Sheikh of Okinawa, Archbishop of Koza, and Rightful Heir to the Third Stripe UPDATE!!!
zim has recently had to smuggle himself across the border by hiding on his own head, after a government-sponsored "Sabbatical" in an undisclosed location, somewhere near or outside of the USA. During his stay at the hospitality suite of this unspecified re-education camp / safe house, zim underwent extended periods of sensory deprivation, verbal enmasculation, and once played checkers with a Komodo dragon. That is all for now. End transmission. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk)I am the dirt under your rollers 13:07, 26 August 2007 (UTC)
My most profound discoveries in the sphere of religion come from these inspirational sermons.
Welcome to studiOzim the online intersection time, space, and zimizm. We are currently enhancing our abilities to annoy the general public by upgrading computer hardware, software, and bizarre behavior. Although UnNews audio output has been very slow during this process, we hope you sick people who actually enjoy listening to UnNews audios have borne with us as we expand.
The rev. is also going through a series of existential crises, including a scheme to get his fat ass off of disability and into a working situation, quitting smoking (cigarettes), and dealing with the government types spying on him. He'll take money, but any other type of support is welcome. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk)I am the dirt under your rollers 18:34, 30 March 2007 (UTC)
self-portrait of zim wasting time with cool scanner software.
Today rev_zim founded the radical non-practicing Coptic temperature-driven magazine, "Bat Fuck Christian High Times", as an attempt to get back at his childhood enemies. Failing that, the renowned publication persisted for almost 4 decades, after which rev_zim was finally captured by Scientologist aliens and had his brain replaced with three garden slugs. He then went into politics, where he drafted routine binary operations legislation as a fictional Congressional Representative from the State of Massachusetts. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk)I am the dirt under your rollers 21:53, 1 April 2007 (UTC)
Rev_zim is drivel-driven, which is sort of like event-driven, but different...
rev zim played the only sane character on Grue's Clues, Salty Pimienta.
zimizm is the first cult to be completely up front in it's purpose, ie. to make zim happy. A member must give me lots of money and submit to my control. I pwn the member's mind, money and soul. To sign up, leave a message on my talk page, and I will contact those I deem worthy. That is all for now.
Rev_zim,
Church of 42,
00:53, 10 August 2006 (UTC)
The Zim_ulator is a single-user EUI (existential user interface). The Zim_ulator is heavily medicated. The Zim_ulator wants to be a member of the Collective, is capable of lucidity at times, but can be unreliable due to bouts of mental illness and back pain. The Zim_ulator may or may not exist at any given time orthagonally (ain't that a great word?) to this user space.
The user Fears and Obeys Cthulhu and User:MoneySign; the user knows what's good for him. The user hopes to be worthy of
absorption by has devoured the souls of the Collective, else the user shall surely perish. and is in negotiation to buy out Nyarlhotep.
zimizm, a permutative or sideways Spoonerism[edit | edit source]
Image of the most holy axe, symbol of zimizm's Asymmetry principle.
zimizm it the actual official Church of Uncyclopedia There are those who insist the Unglican Church is the true church, but I dispute it flamboyantly.
zim is an ordained Minister of the Universal Church Triumphant of the ApatheticAgnostic[1] and holds a Bachelor's Degree in Spiritual Reengineering from the online University of Nescience. His virtual Church, that is, a Church specific to zimizm (a permutative or sideways Spoonerism), does not as yet exist outside the containment field of his brain. He's thinking about calling it the Church of Actuality, but frequently changes his mind about almost everything at some point, so we'll see.
All of these people kill the Zim_ulator in their happy dreams.
From it's outset, zimizm has been devoted to the uniqueness of character defined by DNA, neuro-chemical processing, environmental pressures, and patterns implicit withing each cell, each molecule, each atom, sub-atomic particle, each string as yet to be defined thingy. As a result, the initial creation of zimizm is a catalyst which encourages, nay, even demands, schism. Therefore, I, being the Prime Mover of zimizm, so to speak, was cloven asunder and set one against the other before inducting my first convert. I am an oxygenated moron, a tao symbol thingy, both orthodox and heretic in one form. This bears some thought about the nature of the first convert, saint and sinner in the same package.
Jesus bought the Holy Ass, depicted here as a raptor, from zim in 1066 AD.
Saint seg has been abducted into the Hall of zimizm'st Holy Saints. although she is not actually a member of the Holy Church, nor is she dead, I, zim, declare her to be St. segway the Living, patroness of Chaos. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk)I am the dirt under your rollers 00:41, 9 July 2006 (UTC)
Upgraded UPR with the UnCanninator, put together recording of my conversation with the deceased Father St. Josemaría Escrivá, founder of Opus Dei. I intend to speak with more dead persons for UnNews soon. The question is, who to start with? Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk)I am the dirt under your rollers 16:31, 11 July 2006 (UTC)
IRC Rules: Treat Your Zim Nicely And See What Happens[edit | edit source]
zim_ulator is contained in three (32) sockpuppets as of May 14, July 9 2006.
1. Rev_zim
2. zim_away
3.[insert random characters here]
4.NOT segway
zim_ulator enjoys underscores in his happy dreams and in meatspace
Reverend Zim_ulator says: "There are coffee cup stains on this copy, damnit! Now that's good UnJournalism."
Welcome to UnNews, Zim ulator, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.
I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.
Good things that can happen to you
You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.
What happened to my article?
If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.
Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.
Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?
UnNews Audio
If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.
UnNews UnFunnies
At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found Stripgenerator.com, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.
Below is a blessing to be given in lieu of a spoken blessing. Were this as spoken blessing, it would be done in a fashion peculiar to zimizm, i.e. a Nondenomenational Glossalalic Esparanto Benediction.
{{Ninjastar|Loudhorn.jpg|UnNews Audio Ninjastar|For a fine job on your audio. Your character, wit and smarm have lulled the masses into a false sense of security. Nice job!|[[User:Zim_ulator|'''Rev_zim''']]}}
UnNews Audio Ninjastar
For a fine job on your audio. Your character, wit and smarm have lulled the masses into a false sense of security. Nice job! –Rev_zim
Originally developed as a tool for interviewing the dead, zim has since modified it to peer into the future, and to extract pertinent UnFacts with which to further the cause of Dissemination of Misinformation
This article is part of a series of interviews with the dead, using our patent-pending UnCanninator. The Cabal is planning to infiltrate society with UnCanninator Tech and compete directly with psychics like John Edward and with Scientology, on another front altogether. Profit projections are through the ceiling!
CAUTION Do not stare directly into this audio, nor should you expose yourself to it for more than 10 minutes at a go. This is some dangerous super-secrety-sciency stuff, so be careful and don't feed it to children unless child has a USB port.
If you don't believe any of this, you can bugger off!
This template is a disclaimer for an article for which I do audio, and I don't understand or care about the content.
WARNING!!! This article contains Misinformation, about which the audio reader knows nothing. Neither does the audio reader care. The audio reader is just here to do his/her fucking job, for the love of Mother Mary and Joseph! The audio reader does not understand this article, and therefore, does not care what the hell this article is about. Can the audio reader possibly make it any more clear? If so, kindly leave off.
On your knees! Rev. Zim_ulator bestows this evil blessing upon you!
In recognition of your awesome job of doing an UnNewsAudio, I hereby confer upon thee a great, stinking, festering heap of evil. Thanks for sharing the work of producing audios with SPIKE and the rest of the team. You rock!'
After creating this template, zim got so excited he was going to add it to all 99 (at the time) pages under the Category Christianity. Then he thought better of it. The Unchristianity Project is his way of checking Christianity articles for "quality" (and he uses the word pugilisticly), and "fixing" stuff he finds lacking, and slapping this template where he thinks it might "add value".
This user has been nominated for Noob of the Moment — you can vote for them or nominate your favourite users at Uncyclopedia:Noob of the Moment.
Nominated for the Emmanuel Goldstein Award of Excellence in the Distribution of Misinformation. This award recognizes superb reporting in UnNews Audio segments. My mother would be so proud, unless she knew what it is I actually do, here on Uncyclopedia. Thanks to all who voted for me. You are pre-blessed. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk)I am the dirt under your rollers 04:15, 2 June 2006 (UTC)
This user has recorded a lot of myunnews stories, and as a recognition, has been bestowed this poorly admixtured MS painted picture of a medal (sorry about the color, I tried to change it but it was too hard for my non-1337 "skills").
UnNews:Denny's number one customer dies at 112[edit | edit source]
Hey thanks for the contributions. I unfortunately suffer from mediocrity.
You have won the coveted Bucket of Piss award.
I would congratulate you, but this isn't anything to be proud about.
Some people believe that the above award is meant to be demoralizing; they're absolutely right. Keep up the good work! --EMC[TALK] 02:49, 3 September 2006 (UTC)
I just love this idea: UnNews Sunday Magazine[edit | edit source]
Date: Sun, 17 Sep 2006 08:41:47 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Mr. Evelyn Scratchme" <zim_ulator@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: ass hole, wait and see how many poeple read my thing
To: "Enrico" <zigilgorg@yahoo.com>
Dear Enrico,
So nice to hear from you! Thanks for your insight into
my deletion process, I will certainly take it under
consideration.
I'm so sorry, but I don't remember the article which
you're talking about here. Obviously it's of
incredible importance to you, and of none to me
personally. I extend my heartfelt apologies for having
offended you so deeply. I will save this exchange as a
reminder of my imperfection in the eyes of god.
The rev blesses you,
zim
A zim_ulation of when Reverend zim was a Zoroastrian, getting revelation from the Gods, Ahura Mazda and Joe Isuzu.
--- Enrico <zigilgorg@yahoo.com> wrote:
>dear asshole
>
>you huffed my dear short writing entitled " the
>Iran's army chief declared war on potato chips"
>
>dear fuckhole
>
> if you pay attention to the real image that was
> included in the thing, you'd realize it was very
> very funny, contrasting your fucking annoying shit.
>
> Plus, you could wait and see how many visitors
> that little satire of mine gets, before fucking
> delete it
There aren't enough curse words in this for me to understand it. Is he saying he likes you and wants to have tea?--<<>> 06:19, 30 September 2006 (UTC)
Your reply is the single funniest thing I have read here in a long time. --Sir Hardwick Fundlebuggy(Bleat) 08:29, 30 September 2006 (UTC)
And humor gets nailed by humour. Sweet as. --thematrixeætsyou, the ass kicker (talk) ([[Talk:Special:Random|flames]])
You have succeeded in both a- and b-musing zim, and are therefore worthy of three bottles of cheap absinthe. Do not drink them too quickly, lest your mind become like unto that of zimz.
