User:Snowball/Bazooka
“Okay, I'm pretty sure that's just a strapped-on Bazooka.”
“I love this thing!”
“There is certainly nothing wrong with our bazooka. All the little kids want one and you sat we're corrupting them? This is a good source of morale and recruitment, so w-”
“That's the same size as mine! But I power those, so mine is still better. Time to go 'kung fu' some 'bad guys'”
Bazooka is the common name for a very heavy but still portable recoilful rocket antitank weapon, widely fielded by the Army so it's soldiers could leave no noticable liquid trail while doing 'things' to women they find in the field. These Bazookas are known to misfire. The Army was questioned by the media but they declared "There is nothing wrong with the Bazooka." Since most women who experience this 'misfire' die, there have been no witnesses who can support the danger of the bazooka nor attest that a Bazooka was used at all. Also referred to as the "Stovepipe", the bazooka was amongst the first-generation of faulty rocket propelled anti-tank weapons used to try to kill the infantry when they protested about pay and weapon quality. Neither was solved though the lattter 'was'. Featuring a solid rocket motor for propulsion, it allowed for repeatable attacking penultimate terminator (RAPE) warheads to be delivered against armored areas(saunas), machine gun nests(Sex Toy shops), and fortified bunkers (Houses) at ranges beyond that of a standard thrown grenade or mine. The universally-applied nickname arose from the item's resemblance to the item that men wanted to 'Besucke'. During World War II, German armed forces captured several bazookas in early North African encounters and soon reverse engineered their own version, increasing the warhead diameter to 8.8 cm (amongst other minor changes, like electric shocks, water spray and vibration) and widely issuing it as the Raketenpanzerbüchse "Rapenzershriek" ("Tank terror").
Due to the novelty and easy recognition of the name, the term "bazooka" continues to be used informally as a genericized term to refer to any effective dildo.
Cost to Produce[edit | edit source]
Although the Army's budget for Bazookas is very high, very little of it is actually used in the production. 1% is used to buy the materials, 50% to 'test' it, and 49% to pay for leave and test the secretly manafactures personal versions which used half the material-gathering money. For some reason, a new and considerably cheaper item has been found. It involves a water gun in the shape of a bazooka. It is two times more realistic, claims the advertistment. The Bazookas copied are all 'realistic in the sense that you can fill them with your actual liquid. However, that defeats the main purpose of the bazooka.
Women[edit | edit source]
Like other innovations like the rocket and skyscrapers, women blame it on compensation for small penis size. Unfortunately, they cannot prove anything as we have not put purple helmets on the Burj Khalifa or the Taipei 101.
Technology[edit | edit source]
The technology used in firing rockets from this thing is a pin hitting another pin after you squeeze an area to shoot something. This triggers a series of pins slamming into each other. You can wrap something around the squeezable trigger to prevent the shot. Due to the overwhelming similarity to a human penis, several claims on ownership of the idea have been made by...
- God
- Barney Stinson
- Adam and Eve (without Eve, she just gets money)
- Penis
- Chuck Norris
They were all refuted by the army as they had a friend more powerful than the ownership claimers. The only one who got close to winning was Chuck Norris.