User:Multiliteralist/varalle

The Legal Department hereby notifies all parties involved that the case Happytimes versus Multiliteralist is now open. There are two pending accusations which the Department will, contrary to international legal practice, handle at the same time, since both defending and accusing parties are members of the Uncyclopedia Legal Department. Affidavits must be filed below before the week is up. Failure to file in all necessary affidavits in time will be seen as contempt of the Supreme Court of Uncyclopedia, and will lead to severe punishment in the hardest and longest degree.

Affidavits

• Multiliteralist makes more money than I do. By more, I mean some, and by I, I mean me, myself and I. (Logically I should make at least three times as much as him!) ~ Happytimes 06:23, December 10, 2009 (UTC)

• Happytimes falsified my signature with like totally malicious intent. He probably tries to get my credit card number too. I will not say he's my enemy or anything you know, I think he's just misled. ~ Multiliteralist, 06:24, December 10, 2009 (UTC)

• Multiliteralist's signature totally beckoned me on like a siren calling from the most darkest of nights, deepest of mists, calmest of waters... luring me like the temptress of a ship captain's heart! It swooned like a misbegotten Lola, crying for attention and comfort, crying for love, crying out loud; crying for affection! I knowest not what I did, for my soul was torn asunder in my heart and mind's struggle to resolve the candy which must not be consumed! Alas is me, for am I not human? Am I not flesh and blood? Do I not bleed? Do I not cry? Do I dare not stop this textual cry for forgiveness? No, for I shall not be held responsible for what the heart wants and the psyche needs! 'Tis not malicious intent that poised my pen and pressed the gentlest of script to parchment, but the gentle beat of my heart growing ever stronger with each passing moment... Tell me I am wrong good sir, for I - know - you - CANNOT!!! TO HEAR YOUR DESPONDENT CRIES FOR RECOMPENSATION ONLY SERVES TO PROVE I AM RIGHT AND JUST! This tomfoolery of his is a mockery and these shenanigans MUST - BE - STOPPED!

I say to you sir at this time, (for I know naught else to maintain my dignity and gentlebeingness) Good Day! ~ Happytimes 06:45, December 10, 2009 (UTC)

• Oh yeah? Well Happytimes just goes on to accuse me of shit I never done, like he's the motherfucker here! I mean how can he make less money than I do when I make none? I think his fees are totally dispropotionate or some other fancypants word to the value he gives to the fucking customer by his "probably illicit and at least shady shyster practices", as some lawyer would say! I suspect he's an ambulance chaser! ~ Multiliteralist, 08:24, December 10, 2009 (UTC)

• Also, Happytimes falsified my non-signature signature a couple of times right there on his stupid affidavit. Don't tell me he's not guilty! I hate legal processes when they are aimed against me but this time I hate it even more! I demand compensation for fucking "malicious intent" and totally crappy "injury pending whatever" that I've been fucking "suffering" here!! ~ Multiliteralist, 10:21, December 10, 2009 (UTC)