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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Curious George is the protagonist in a series of popular children's books by the same name, written by Hans Aloveryer and his wife Bernard. The books feature a bi-curious chimpanzee named George, who is brought from his home in Africa by The Man With The PVC Gimp Mask to live with him in his cellar.

Although in the illustrations George does not correspond exactly to any non-fictional species of monkey, it is believed by many that he is in fact a bonobo, a species known to be the sexiest of the great apes.

Our first view of George sees him living free and happy within a commune in North Africa, where he performs for money to passing tourists. One day a group of swarthy-looking men buy him drinks, and after a short time he wakes up with a burlap bag over his head. After a lengthy sea voyage George finds himself living in a cellar in New York, where he gets into a number of jolly japes with a selection of visitors to his dungeon. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that video games have been linked to aggressive behavior in teenagers? (Pictured)

... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?

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In the news [edit]

Switzerland wins Eurovision
- Netherlands disqualified in final shocker
YouTube is dead
D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis
Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support (Pictured)
Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge
NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays
Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig
Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices
Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures
Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced
Santa's Elves on strike
UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler
Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game?

Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Eurovision
Recent deaths: O. J. Simpson · Bernard Hill · Nemo's first trophy · Roger Corman · Chrissie from Jaws · Drake's "whole mans career"
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · "New York Knicks suck" jokes (watch this jinx them lol)

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On this day [edit]

May 16: New South Welsh Independence Day (Australia)

A long, long time ago - I can still remember how that music used to make smile.
1532 - Sir Elton John resigns as a Queen of England, takes new job as a "Stately Homo."
1770 - As a practical joke, a Mr. Potato Head is elected Prime Minister, later causes the Irish potato famine after banning the eating and selling of his own kind.
1888 - Acclaimed Serbian-Croatian-American scientist Nikola Tesla patents the idea of patent-theft, to his eventual great regret.
1901 - New South Wales gains its independence from New North Wales.
1969 - Soviet space probe contracts embarrassing venereal disease while on routine mission to Earth's Sister planet.
1974 - Josip Broz Tito declared to be "World's Coolest Dictator" by Bosnians and Serbs, a forlorn Pinochet throws himself off a helicopter.
2013 - Barack Obama stares at the shiny Nobel Peace Prize framed on his wall, he remembers a video feed of some gray pixels in the shape of a young Pakistani orphan smeared into a gray pixel pâté. He frowns.

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The Tomb of the Unknown Uncyclopedian.

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