User:LoofahBoy/I-am-Bored copy

In case it gets deleted again...

Typical IAB User

In the beginning, there was nothing. Then one day man made the wheel. But man got tired of hunting and the wheel, so he said, “Me bored, ME WANT ENTERTAINED!” He then killed his woman who was boring and did a bunch of bull no one cares about. But one day, as he slept, the Bored Man had a vision. And in that vision, he saw a face like no other.

The face… of boredom.

“Who you?” asked the man to the obscure blue head that looked like he was choking.

“I am everything and I am nothing,” it said. "I am all and I am none. I am dark, yet I am light.”

He was rudely interrupted by the Bored Man. “Who hell are you? Me bored. ME BORED!”

So you know what happened next? I’ll tell you what happened! The face had an orgy with the Bored Man and they had a virtu-baby called I-Am-Bored. And then I came.

Lords of the Realm

King Buddy

King Buddy was the first king of IAB. During his reign he was known to actually have interesting links. He was addicted to a drug known in the streets as "Myspace" and was also considered to be a nerd. He was exiled by King Fancylad back to the barren wastelands of YouThink whence he came and failed to return to the throne. Though he does not own the site anymore, Buddy still thirsts for vengeance and terrorizes the land of IAB occasionally. When he does show up, there is usually a throng of people screaming "BUDDY!!!11! I LOVE YOU!!11!" and gaze in awe that he has actually posted much like a legion of cult followers. Which is all IAB really is when you think about it

King Fancylad

King Fancylad is the king currently sitting on his arse and running the place. His reign has been what some could consider as "confusing", as evidenced by the many people on IAB joining the site to simultaneously thank him for a job well done as well as threatening to kill and eat him. Some of the things which Fancylad has added to his kingdom are Free Forums, and CIYC Contest (which is cool, if you are a recent recipient of a brain lobotomy). If anything, Fancylad will go down as "The I-A-B Repost King" because of his infamy.

Dead Akappy

Much like medieval England had their Griffon and ancient China had their Dragon, so too does the nation of IAB have their legendary animal. It is known as the legendary AKappy Of Myth. It is said he could shit fire and breathe raw sarcasm. He was also a nudist.

Dainty

The Kingdom of IAB's resident mafia overlord. She is notorious for her posts about disturbing things about Asians, and also uses various emoticons as shown. "xD, :P, ^_^, (:, :D," which is considered a crime punishable by flogging in the land of IAB. Even King Fancylad has deemed her worthy with a tribute to her infamy. She is a force to be reckoned with.

She is known to be extremely dangerous and unpredictable. Her current whereabouts are unknown. Should you encounter Dainty, immediately contact law enforcement services.

Types of IAB people

There are many types of people who dwell in the kingdom of IAB. Some of those are included, but not limited to:

Intellectuals

Intellectuals are smart, frequently spell right and use facts. They are categorized 'as the more decent' people who visit IAB. Sadly, hardly anyone is ever considered as this. Most intellectuals, as such, do not remain so for very long, as long term exposure to IAB can lead to chronic mental retardation, degradation of common sense, and herpes. Intellectuals, unfortunately, usually end up devolving into one of the next few categories below.

Religious Extremists

These people tend get in to arguments with the intellectuals, their mortal enemy. However, there are non-religious people who jump on the religious people for no reason except that they are religious, and then make pissheads of themselves. This often leads to long fifteen-page long arguments that are filled with epic lulz.

One Word Wonders

The occasional citizen who is mentally incapable of stringing together words in a sentence. As a result, they tend to post only in single words, usually the word "fail". As they are born with this defect, they should be pitied, not hated. It is speculated that they migrated to IAB from the nuclear wastelands of 4Chan, thus explaining their severe mental retardation.

Whiners

The occasional new member who is not yet familiar with the ways of IAB (read: Noob) and as such always complain that the post was "stolen" from another website. Ironically, it's IAB entire purpose to steal from other websites, such as cracked.com and AtomFilms. Much like the neighboring nation of EbaumsWorld, but better (much better) and without watermarks. Because watermarks take the lulz away.

Canadian Revolutionaries

A rare but particularly entertaining species of troll dwelling in the kingdom of IAB, these creatures feed on their intense venomous hatred of the USA. Their posts typically have little to do with the actual subject at hand, but usually lead to epic pissing contests filled with blind nationalism on both sides and even more lulz. These trolls are considered to be a valuable resource as they are hunted for their skulls, which are as thick as a brick and as such acts as good roofing material.

A perfect example of a Canadian revolutionary is just below this paragraph, evidently.

American Conservatives

A rare breed on the far left anti-American website. However when seen, these creatures of immense "intelligence" shine their "wisdom" upon forum-goers, leading to even more flaming and lulz.

American Liberals

Canadians in disguise.

Canadian Conservatives

Americans in disguise.

Australian/New Zealanders

“Pretty much are decent people and don't tend to start fights over the glorious interweb.”

~ An Australian/New Zealander on Australians/New Zealanders

Europeans

Are better then Americans in every aspect. (But don't tell them that, they've got big enough ego problems as it is)

• Also have to often remind others that Europe is a continent, not a nation.

Nationalists

Look above.

First Posters

First posters, also called Spammers or Noobs, are little scumbags lurking around getting ready for the pounce. Much like AIDS, they are the scourge of the IAB gene pool. So far, we have not succeeded in exterminating them. Like religious people and atheists, they are one sided.

Some scientists speculate that these individuals are in fact stricken with a particularly potent strain of a contagious disease known as "Acute Attention Seekingitis" which has been spreading rampantly throughout the IAB countryside via body fluid transmission for months now. However, there are efforts underway to eradicate this disease by exiling the afflicted to the neighboring empire of EbaumsWorld, which is already a cesspool anyway.

"Art Critics"

A true staple of the internet, it's no different here. Art critics are highly-trained professionals who are always prepared to launch into action the instant an image is posted on IAB with their fearsome battle cry, "ZOMFG PHOTOSHOP!!!!!!!1 I've seen alot in my time, look at the pixols."

Attention Whores

Those who are deemed not worthy, but really, really want to be. The characteristic Attention Whore can be spotted by such behaviors as First Posting, attempting to be an Intellectual (this is usually done by throwing around big words), and becoming an "Art Critic."

Repost-ers

Repost-ers are people who keep reminding Fancylad that half of the things on the site were posted during the kingdom of Buddy. You get extra points if you can actually find the original post and show it to everyone, but it still doesn't mask the fact that you must have wasted your entire life on IAB to be able to actually know its a repost.

Age Groups

Groups of all ages flock to the glorious plains of IAB, and they can be told apart by thier various habits.

Age 13-17

These are those kids you want to have spanked because of their unnecessary "yo mama" jokes, and horrible sense of humor, which includes ignorant sex and genital references. They tend to give most under 17 year olds a bad rep, and post numerous comments of useless junk (see above: One Word Wonders) so they can be cool and have a big post count. They are a common sight during migration season, roaming the IAB northern plains.

Age 18-29

Immature children who brag about how they are no longer 13-17. However, one should still take caution in dealing with those of the 18-29 group, for in many cases, they are worse than the the children of the 13-17 group.

Age 30-39

The least popular group on IAB. They are too old to be immature and too young to be crazy seniors. Stuck within a middle ground, the 30-39 group hangs in IAB limbo, waiting for thier day to kill the lulz.

Age 40-49

People from a previous generation who usually try to kill the lulz by complaining about the level of stupid humor that excretes from IAB. One should generally ignore the aging resident, for they will soon lose ability to surf teh webz, and be of no threat.

Age 70+

Not to be trusted. Always 11 year-olds who were too young to register. This is because people who were born before 1938 aren't capable of using teh interwebz.

The Almighty T-Shirt

It is said that the highest attainable honor in the cult society that is IAB is to win a T-Shirt. The holy grail of IAB, it is considered to be akin to attaining godhood in IAB culture. Many wars have been fought and much blood has been spilled in IAB for the possession of the almighty IAB T-shirt.

Or, you can just buy one.

Infamy on IAB

In IAB history, there has been one serious crime. And that is the kidnapping of AKappy. Sometime ago, EvilAKappy came to IAB and hogtied AKappy, stuffed him the trunk of his car, went to Mexico, and is now using him to practice Pinata Diplomacy. Which is considered a blessing to most. His body will be served unto Satan.

It should also be noted that AKappy may be in the vicinity of in a lake, as it has been stated by a reliable source.

Categories

• Games - A category designed solely to allow you to waste time at school playing Pong and Titty Tennis.
• Funny - omfg teh funny
• Entertainment - A nice way of saying pr0n.
• Quizzes - Asks important life questions, like what secondary character from BumFuck, the Movie you are.
• Weird - IAB's equivalent of 4Chan's /b/, this category allows IAB users to realize their sickest sexual fantasies. Not unlike most of the internets.
• Technology - A category that only exists to give the illusion that there are actually smart people who use IAB.
• Lifestyle, Arts & Literature - See: Technology
• News & Politics - The lifeblood of IAB's flame war culture and lulz.
• Science - This.
• Sports - Usually consists of footage of European soccer players breaking every bone in their body for the sake of lulz.
• Misc - Consists solely of King Fancylad cactus fetish pornography collection.

Are you bad enough dude to handle IAB?

I-Am-Bored.com