Portal:Literature

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The Litterature Portalle
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As the generally accepted definition of literature today hugs folktales to its warm bosom, we might well conclude that literature began with one frightened caveman grunting (see language) his fears to his fellows by firelight. This, however, would be wrong. Scurrying, short and bitter academics in dank bare cells have clinically proven that 'literature' is caused by writing down things which never happened and which afflict the reader with acute boredom , in some cases literally boring the victim to death.

Today, the study of literature remains a major academic discipline at nearly every educational institution around the world, often being the most heavily required class for graduation. This is because academics have declared that finding themes (which the author totally intended to put in the work) is far more important than learning first aid, basic home and auto repair, or how to do your taxes. However, there is one major benefit to the study of literature: without it, as many as half of the jokes in your favorite TV shows would fly right over your head. (See more...)

Featur'd Article
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The Picture of Dorian Gray is Oscar Wilde's only novel, published in an American magazine on 20 June, 1890. It was criticized by many as immoral and heavily censored. Wilde later wrote a revised edition of the novel, making several additions and adding new characters to the novel, in an attempt to salvage the situation. However, the explicit sexual references and allusions were still plentiful, and so this novel was banned almost immediately after publication in all English-speaking countries, with no exception.

In 1930, a stolen copy of the book was translated into Arabic, and it began to become exceeding popular again, regaining its notoriety as a decadent and immoral book. The book was then translated into a plethora of languages, due to excitingly sensual individuals wanting to spread the excitingly sensual material. It was not long until the League of Nations convened to put a stop to the book's dissemination, and all countries, with the exception of Saudi Arabia and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, banned publication of the book. The book has been termed as 'poisonous', 'dangerous', and 'potentially threatening to international security' due to its strong sexual motifs. (See more...)

Featur'd Image
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I am a coal-truck / by a broken heart / I have no sound / the sound of my heart / I am not.
Image by Cédric Spatiotemprel
To-dayes Featur'd Poëm
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A hundred meals of oats and grain I ate;
But water I had yet to sip and drink,
Now crowning from my anus as of late:
The largest poop I'd ever done, methinks.
It bellowed as it plopp'd into the bowl,
A wave of water splash'd upon my ass;
So empty was the feeling in my hole,
No chunk of poo, nor vented fetid gas
Almóst a foot it measured toe to tip,
A waxy sheen upon its pimpled face;
Both hands could never hold it in clos'd grip,
Too wide and hard, yet smelled of clove and mace.
A solid, brownish trophy of my strain,
But like all shits, it must go down the drain.

(See more...)
Select'd Biographie
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Sylvia Plath (October 27, 1932 – February 11, 1963) was a suicidally-depressed female poet. She is generally considered to be one of the best writers to work within the suicidally-depressed-female genre, having written several classics of depressing female literature, including the poetry collections Ariel and The Colossus and the novel The Bell Jar.

Since her suicide at the tender age of 30, Plath has grown to become a feminist icon; often perceived as a female genius who struggled within a patriarchy who dismissed her literary expression and sought to demean her as a sex object. She is was also a hottie.

Plath was born, quite aptly, during the Great Depression. As she said in her poem The Suicide Cloud: "for me, the Great Depression never ended". Her mother was a teacher of English, while her father was a bee enthusiast who made his name by writing two books about bees. Apparently he couldn't say everything he wanted to with just one book about bees. Plath's parents were clearly huge influences on her for the rest of her life, and from a very young age she became dedicated to poetry – poetry that contained a frankly baffling multitude of references to bees. (See more...)

To-dayes Featur'd Newes
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BOSTON, Massachusetts – Pushed up against a far corner of the wall and beneath a shelf of dusty books in the living area of a humble little one-bedroom apartment in Back Bay sits an old maple desk. Sunlight from a window casts upon it, illuminating dancing little specks of dust which settle upon its varnished surface like noble drops of morning dew. Posters of impressionist paintings line the walls above, peeling, poetically.

"You like this?" says the owner of the desk. "It's an antique. From the 19th century. I find old things rather inspiring. Makes me think about the sorts of people who once used them and all the stories their lives once told."

Alan McPherson, amateur poet and curator for a local Tupperware museum, spends almost nine hours a day here at this desk, thinking, dreaming, and doodling in his various journals, stopping only to eat and use the restroom. (See more...)

To-dayes Wilde Saying
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