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Today's featured article “Peter…” My mother asks me as the titles to Loose Women roll. “Why don’t you get a job?” “But I can’t get a job mother, haven’t you heard about the economic crisis? There are no jobs!” I patronise, with only the faintest idea of what an economy might be. “Pah!” Father pipes up re-ruffling his paper. “That’s just an excuse for those pithy paper pushing poofs. I bet you don’t even know what the economy is!” “Sure I do, it’s, erm, the jobs ratios or—god is that the time!? I have to go!” “Go where?” He says lowering the paper. “It's not like you have a job.” And therefore I don't have a life, obviously. Were you actually trying be ironic there? “When is it you’re on that cruise again?” I ask as my parting shot. Stupid retired people, they don’t want to work and get away with it! (Full article...) Recently featured: UnNews:Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; USA Joins in Support User:Y UnScripts:Quentin Tarantino's Teletubbies Pikmin Archive · Vote for featured articles · Yesterday's featured article “Peter…” My mother asks me as the titles to Loose Women roll. “Why don’t you get a job?” “But I can’t get a job mother, haven’t you heard about the economic crisis? There are no jobs!” I patronise, with only the faintest idea of what an economy might be. “Pah!” Father pipes up re-ruffling his paper. “That’s just an excuse for those pithy paper pushing poofs. I bet you don’t even know what the economy is!” “Sure I do, it’s, erm, the jobs ratios or—god is that the time!? I have to go!” “Go where?” He says lowering the paper. “It's not like you have a job.” And therefore I don't have a life, obviously. Were you actually trying be ironic there? “When is it you’re on that cruise again?” I ask as my parting shot. Stupid retired people, they don’t want to work and get away with it! (Full article...) Recently featured: UnNews:Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; USA Joins in Support User:Y UnScripts:Quentin Tarantino's Teletubbies Pikmin Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?" ... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)? ... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?" ... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)? ... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"	In the news Switzerland wins Eurovision Netherlands disqualified in final shocker YouTube is dead D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support (Pictured) Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced Santa's Elves on strike UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game? Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Eurovision Recent deaths: Bernard Hill · Nemo's first trophy · Roger Corman · Chrissie from Jaws · Drake's "whole mans career" · Dabney Coleman Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · "New York Knicks suck" jokes (watch this jinx them lol) On this day... May 18: "We Can Eat Cows Today" Day (India) 441 BC - Oedipus Rex, after learning the awful truth about his wife/mother, kills her and marries his father instead. 218 BC - Hannibal crosses the Alps and right as he makes it to Italy, realizes he could have just taken the ferry. 1948 - Time Magazine's printing press malfunctions: time is paused for five hours and twenty-three minutes before resuming. 1975 - Humpty Dumpty falls off the Berlin Wall, all the King's horses and all the King's men are executed by Soviets for being counterrevolutionaries. 1991 - Vegetables banned from the White House after George H. W. Bush discovers illicit affair between Barbara Bush and a man with severe cerebral palsy. 2014 - You have an erotic dream about your brother, you can't stand to look at him all day. 2017 - A Tyrannosaurus rex is successfully cloned in a Chinese lab, chooses to major in business instead of man-eating to the chagrin of Jurassic Park fans.
Today's featured picture ...the Hundred Acre Wood-wide police crackdown netted Piglet, shown here in his mugshot after being charged with vagrancy, operating a wheelbarrow while intoxicated, hunting woozles without a licence, smuggling of unpasteurized honey across state lines... Image credit: Modusoperandi View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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