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“Peter…” My mother asks me as the titles to Loose Women roll. “Why don’t you get a job?”

“But I can’t get a job mother, haven’t you heard about the economic crisis? There are no jobs!” I patronise, with only the faintest idea of what an economy might be.

“Pah!” Father pipes up re-ruffling his paper. “That’s just an excuse for those pithy paper pushing poofs. I bet you don’t even know what the economy is!”

“Sure I do, it’s, erm, the jobs ratios or—god is that the time!? I have to go!”

“Go where?” He says lowering the paper. “It's not like you have a job.”

And therefore I don't have a life, obviously. Were you actually trying be ironic there?

“When is it you’re on that cruise again?” I ask as my parting shot. Stupid retired people, they don’t want to work and get away with it! (Full article...)

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Did you know...

*... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?

... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?

... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?

... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?

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Mickeys - the drug of choice for today's trendy ravers.

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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