User:Arthur/FARTERPAGE

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I was a little dubious when my dear friend Leonidas suggested that tonight we dine in Hell. But he assured me that it was the up and coming place for both "being seen" and for the best in quality cuisine. As he has had such a hard time recently, what with madness, betrayal and ultimately being slaughtered, I felt that it was only fair he decided on the venue for our tête-à-tête, dubious though I was about the skill of the head chef at this establishment.

My first impression of the ambiance was not good. I found it rather dark and oppressive, although the fire pits did give a somewhat cheery glow to the surroundings. As soon as I announced my name the head waiter was only too pleased to ensure we had the best of tables of course. I chose one close to a fire pit that was mostly unoccupied, which kept the amount of distracting screaming to a minimum.

I spotted my dear friend Hitler over on another table. I've not seen him for years now, so I knew he would be overjoyed to see me again. Sadly the spikes that were holding him to the table as he was buggered by two ostriches prevented him from greeting me in the proper manner. I took his screams of pain as he obviously intended them, as cries of pleasure at my presence.

I chose to start with the deviled eggs. My companion started with a simple red-hot poker up the ass, administered efficiently by our host. My eggs were unusual, with the added sulfur and brimstone tasting rather tart but not unpleasant. The general impression was of a more meaty dish than I expected, with a unusual salty after-taste. Indeed, they were more reminiscent of oysters than of eggs. (Full article...)

On this day in history
"If Guy Fieri can pull it off, why can't I?"

June 8: Your Friends are Totally Trying to Kill You Day

Did you know?
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  • ... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured)
  • ... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
  • ... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
  • ... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
  • ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
  • ... that the White House is really off-white?
  • ... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website?
  • ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
  • ... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
  • ... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
  • ... that Godot isn't coming?
  • ... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?
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