User:Apocalipse75

“This man was the best we had - even being shot in the groin didn’t bring him down! Sadly we had to let him go when he couldn’t fit him in the tanks anymore...”

~ The Army on Mr Clark

“I created this man in order to bring about this apocalypse - he bears the curse that every time he tells the truth the earth is Destroyed - For some reason nothing has happened yet...”

~ God on Mr Clark

Mr Clark on the toilet

“When I get angry I turn into the indestructible Hulk - When he gets angry he turns into... Mr Clark”

~ Bruce Baner on Mr Clark

“My son trains up these internet characters and sells them on e-bay for big money; I used to think "What kind of person is so sad that they actually buy these?"...Now I Know...”

~ Mr Townsend on Mr Clark

“There is no theory of evolution, only a list of animals Mr Clark doesn’t eat!”

~ Chuck Norris on Mr Clark

Life

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Profession

Mr Clark has long been the most powerful man in the universe, he was only left out of the a-team because they didn’t have a camera

Mr Clark sneezing

with a wide enough lense to film him. In childhood Mr Clark was apparently put on steroids - this has been used many times to justify his immense proportions. When he went to high school he knew a current Olympic-class runner who was in the year above him. Mr Clark insists that he could beat him in the cross-country and the 200m but the athletics coach was too scared of him to let him on the track. During his teen years, whilst not partying with his many girlfriends, he enjoyed playing rugby as hooker and quickly progressed to playing at a national standard - this is understandable as he took up the width of the pitch by himself, his team only needing to pass him the ball to insure victory. He had to stop playing rugby in a tragic sky-diving accident where he jumped from an incredible 40,000 ft wearing an O2 mask and due to some poor equipment, his shoot failed to open, resulting in a broken knee. This did not set him back though! A few years later he decided to join the army - arriving at one of the top training camps of the country he was automatically given an officers rank due to his "prior knowledge" (our best guess is that the heavily armed military camp was also afraid of him and wanted to keep him happy). For training in the corps he had to run 250km a day and perform 1000 press ups in 20mins (which is impressive considering his weight). After a short while in the army he was placed in charge of the personal squad for hunting sadaam using his squad consisting of 10 heavily trained soldiers and 3 challenger tanks. Unfortunately his squad never succeeded as he couldn’t throw the tanks far enough. He left the army after being shot in the groin by one of his fellow officers whilst training; the officer received three years in prison but was gladly welcomed back into the army. His next few years are widely unknown but he has been hinting to people that he left England to work with the FBI developing an SUV that had cameras on its video surface in order to make it blend in with its surroundings - though everyone who has watched the inspector Gadget movie, as he obviously has, will agree that this is random sh-- I mean an excellent cover story.

Now days Mr Cark spends his life job hopping in schools as an ITC technician passing on the story of his life.

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Hobbies

Mr Clark seems to enjoy dungeons and dragons because whenever he keeps a child in for detention he quotes "I will let you out IF you can answer me these questions three...Question the first... Etc." Using questions such as "What is the follow on to the X-box 360?... The X-box 720 of course!!" and then gawfing stupidly. Mainly though he just likes reciting his none but interesting life story to chavs and the less fortunate.

Achievements list

• Parachuting from 40,000 ft without a parachute
• Playing national Rugby
• Completing 1000 push ups in less than 3mins
• Eating a ton of radioactive waste and wanting ice-cream after
• Having built (by himself) the world best computer, being liquid cooled with 6 processors and 7 video/graphics cards
• Pitying Mr T
• Creating the big bang when his and Chuck Norris's round-house kicks collided
• Bringing on the ice age when he high-fived Fonzie (it was just too cool)
• Making his mother have a caesarean after just 3 weeks of pregnancy (he had already grown to big for her womb)
• When God said "let there be light" he moved out of the way - thus creating life in the universe
• Killing off all the dinosaurs, the explosion was not caused by a comet but when Mr Clark did his first star jump
• Reached the top of Mount Everest - Although he stands at only 23m tall, when lying on his side he is 7m taller than the mountains peak

Little known facts

• The jedis actually draw on the power of Mr Clark
• If Mr Clark didn't eat vegetables there would be no de-forestation!
• The last time Mr Clark went swimming in the sea, ocean levels rose by 17m!
• Mr Clark once had hair!