Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/July 23

I am the worst Uncyclopedian. I can prove it. Look at my contribution history and my edits. Now, take a random user and check out their edits. The quality of their edits will be much higher than mine. I will refund you all your money if this is not true. I call it the worst value guarantee. If you find any user with worse edits than mine, I'll clean your kitchen for a week. I am so bad it's legend on this website. People talk about it in the back rooms.

If you haven't yet figured out, there is a lot that happens here behind the scenes. Writers actually write more stuff on pages you may not know about. Strange why they write funny things there and less funny things on actual articles. It's best not to read any of that stuff behind the scenes any ways. My skin starts to break out and create craters in my face when I read it.

People talked about my articles on those pages. They guessed that I wrote bad on purpose. In fact that's what's behind the whole story of how I became a failed politician. It's the story of me and my laptop that I got at the second hand shop when I traded in my electric guitar. I was really bad at the guitar. It made people's ears bleed.

It is as though what I write is so bad that people think I couldn't have meant it to be so bad. Somehow that is ironic. I don't find that funny. People here on the website did think that was funny. But I was actually really bad. A kind of bad that has its own smell. (Full article...)