Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/August 20

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Tour de France mutant.jpg

Paris, FRANCE -- The Tour de France 2011 just came to an exhilarating conclusion today and already cycling aficionados worldwide are labeling this race as the most controversial Tour ever. Let's examine in details the events that unfolded over the last few weeks.

It all started during the prologue when Englishman David Millar presented himself as naked as a jaybird on the starting ramp in order to "minimize wind resistance" and by his own admission, "feel the invigorating breeze on my groin area." It seemed the unusual tactic worked since he had the best intermediate time until he took a nasty tumble at 35 mph, effectively ending his Tour aspirations and his days as a ladies' man. The staff had to use high pressure water sprays in order to peel his skin off the road.

During the flat stages, it was a duel between sprinters: Mark Cavendish and Pat McCain. The first controversy was raised when Cavendish crossed the finish line on Stage 3 at 130 miles per hour, casting suspicion as to the legitimacy of the performance. In fact, had the local police not thrown a spike strip on the asphalt 60 miles further down the road, there is no telling where the sprinter would have come to a halt. (Full article...)