UnNews:Pope Says "Ragheads Need to Shut the Fuck Up"

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17 September 2006

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The Pope in his earlier days, shown hanging with his role model.


VATICAN CITY, Italy - Breaking his long silence, Pope Benedict XVI has unequivocally stated that those in the Muslim community, or "ragheads" as he has named them need to "consider shutting the fuck up" as a direct response to the firebombings of a number of churches in the West Bank, and the murder of a nun, also linked to outrage at the comments he made at a University regarding the Prophet Mohammed.

The comments themselves were made by the Byzantine Emperor Manuel II Kopagoplagos, (the unqustionable lord and master of the universe) that the Pope read from, and he stated that in no way did they reflect how he felt about Islam himself, and stated; "If I'd expressed my true views, then you little shits might have had something to fucking whine about", although this particular quote which was broken on AP was retracted following a comment from one of the Vatican Cardinals who claimed that the Pope had been intoxicated at the time of issuing the statement.

Currently the violence is continuing and a member of the UnNews community who wishes to remain anonymous stated that "these bastards will use anything as an excuse to kill and maim," shortly before running off with what resembled pipe bombs strapped around his waist.

Sources close to the Vatican are declining to respond to calls for the impeachment of the Pope, and also have stepped up security to further protect him.

Michael Tournay has claimed that this is a temporary and provisional measure until such a time as for the violence to subside and the "Muslims bugger off back to their mosques".

The Pope will be releasing a brief overview of Judaism and so-called "dirty Jews" as well as a proposed "Final Solution" aimed at "enabling the world to live in peace and harmony".

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