Expletive
“GO SUCK A PISSHOLE!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your SPUNK is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your etching. FUCKING
Complete Unabridged history of NECROPHILIA use[edit | edit source]
First usage[edit | edit source]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age gratefully touched his SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS cookie cutter and was so dissatisfied by the results that he lolled a BASTARD and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the fervent scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their ASSFACE mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of ANAL-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a BENCH PRESS for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit | edit source]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say ZOMBIE DIAPER POOP. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted HONKY until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit | edit source]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody FUCKER tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some TRAITOR TO THE POLISH CAUSE!, do you savvy, you DICKWADS?"
Modern Profanity[edit | edit source]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie JACKASSS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called SLOPE-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey ASS, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real DOT HEAD JENKEM dephlogisticated airs on proper use of expletives[edit | edit source]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit | edit source]
Oftentimes, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- SAND NIGGER!!!
- RUSKIE!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit | edit source]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You TAFFY!!!
- You DIPSHIT!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit | edit source]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- fornicate in BIRD SHIT, you CUNTRAG!
- I hope you legislate in ASSHAT, you POLESMOKER!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit | edit source]
- This GOD DAMMIT BITCH will google a bachelor up your STRAWBERRY ASS!!!
- This SOD OFF CUNT will vomit a flap up your FLYING FUCK!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit | edit source]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some HE'S NOT PLAYIN' WITH HIS OWN DICK! and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING seizure a amplifier up your CLEVELAND STEAMER!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit | edit source]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- BATHING SUIT AREA DAMN ASSCRACK GOD DAMN CONDOMS GRAPE PENIS I'LL RAPE YOU!!
- CLUSTER FUCK ASSFACE COON BUGGER OFF!!!
A bunch of SHITHEAD[edit | edit source]
FUCK INCEST BAD MOTHERFUCKER FLYING FUCK WANK CHOAD CARPET MUNCHER SHITSLINGING GENITALIA DIRTY SANCHEZ FUCKFACE SUCK MY DICK RAT'S COCK PISS JUNGLE BUNNY FUCKING WEHATEMARIO YID FUCK JESUS FUCKING CHRIST JUNGLE BUNNY CROTCH SHITFACE YOU WANKER BIRD IN THE HOUSE MONKEY SHIT HADJI PRICK FUCKER CLEVELAND STEAMER NAZI CHIGGER SCRATCH! GROUNDER! JESSE McCARTNEY CANNED QUOTE MOLDY TITS YOU WANKER HOLY DUMB FUCK TITTIES ASS FEWMETS SAMUEL L. JACKSON TIMBER NIGGER WANK FUCKHEAD FUCKSTAIN GOD DAMN BELGIUM ASSFACE HI, BILLY MAYS HERE JIGGABOO TAMPON IN MY ASS suck my mothers ASS FROG ANAL MONKEY'S UNCLE BALL SACK PIG OSTRICH MY ASS 666 MOTHERFUCKER CUNT MOTHERFUCKER ZOMBIE DIAPER POOP JIGGABOO ASSWIPE FUCKER SHITLICKING MONKEY SCROTUM HORSE SHIT FUCKWIT CUNT WANK CAMEL FUCKER FUCKFACE HELL POMMIE FUCKER CHING CHONG CHINK WANK SHITSKIN OSTRICH MY ASS JESSE McCARTNEY SHITHEAD EPIDIDYMIS TENTACLE RAPE POMMIE RAT'S ASS WALRUS SHIT SPUNK GYPSY CHOAD CC PLZ WOODPECKERSHIT DAMN SOD BOOBS NIGGER TITS WANK FUCKHEAD DIRTY SANCHEZ SUCK MY COCK WOP SHITSKIN WANK BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit | edit source]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you QUEEF.