Dio Brando
“WRRRYYYYYY indeed.”
| The author of this article does not give a flying anything about your editing it, heck, your stuff is probably funnier than mine. |
Dio "Elf Shoes" Brando-Sama (Japanese: ディオ・ブランドー, Hepburn: Dio Burandō) is the inspiration for all art existing to this day. He can be linked to any masterpiece (jJAWSJAWS BIZAARRE ADVENTUE REFERENCE!!!!!). He is also the actual reason why WW2 happened. (You can link anything to the hit manga and anime series JoJo's Bizarre Adventure) Also, he turns 100% heterosexual men gay with the charisma Araki gave him. That is why he can wear elf shoes while still looking hot. Dio is also Romania's president, since he's a vampire like in Transylvania. He also looks sexy even when fighting Jotaro Kujo. He also wears some very stupid, stupid elf shoes. Did I mention he wears elf shoes? Stupid, stupid elf shoes.
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Creation and design[edit | edit source]
The ultimate god of this world, Hirohiko Araki, decided one day that he wants to huff kittens. He did it to think of a cool looking JJBA antagonist easier. Someone accidentally laced his kitten bong with cocaine. That is why DIO wears elf shoes. They're fucking stupid like the person who laced Hirohiko Araki with cocaine. Cocaine makes you dumb, like DIO's elf shoes. He can pull them off though. Legends say our god, Lord Araki, is secretly Santa Claus, that's why DIO looks like an elf with those shoes. A common theory about Dio Brando is that he was delivering Christmas gifts while waiting for the Stardust Crusaders to come to Egypt, that is the reason for his stupid, stupid elf shoes.
World War II[edit | edit source]
The evening before Hitler decided to invade Poland (more like Pooland my favorite country), he got inspired by Dio's stupid elf shoes. They're stupid like Hitler. Adolf was a bit of an asshole towards the Poolish :(. And kids, that is why you don't get inspiration from stupid, stupid elf shoes. It may cause you to conquer more than half of Europe. Dio Brando is a good man, but his stupid, stupid elf shoes caused every war in this god forsaken continent called Europe. We all hate Hitler (okay maybe except Kanye West). Stupid, stupid elf shoes.
Namesake[edit | edit source]
Most say that Dio's name comes from the great metal singer Ronnie James Dio, but I think otherwise. It comes from the extra awesome thrash metal band Wodos (Sodom for the idiots). Why? Well, D comes from the letter D in "Sodom", I comes from the first letter in their very cool EP "In The Sign Of Evil" and O comes from the "Orange" in "Agent Orange", their extraordinary album released in 1989. Wodos made a black metal album, so DIO IS TRVE KVLT CONFIRMED!!!!!1!111!! Stupid, stupid elf shoes.