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Today's featured article COLUMBUS, Indiana -- Psycho Christian white supremacist former Vice President Mike Pence has gotten himself into another pickle. Only this time, it's quite literally a pickle. The former VP discovered that he had turned into a former cucumber. "No explanation at all," Pence told Newsmax Tuesday. "I just woke up one day and discovered I had turned into a pickle. I know the European Union turned President Trump into a walrus, and former Press Secretary... What was that bastard's name again?... into an eggman, but I believe they wouldn't waste their time on me. I believe it was Hillary Clinton, Obama, The Bidens, the Kennedys, The Addams Family, Rosie O'Donnell, Britney Spears, Oprah, Steve Harvey and those goddamned liberal Democrats who stole the election from me-- I mean, us!" There is zero evidence of any of these parties being involved in the incident. "Mother is going to be ashamed of me. She warned me about sticking my pickle where it didn't belong." To make matters worse, Dan Harmon has filed a cease-and-desist against Pence. Twitter erupted in the wake of the news. Donald Trump tweeted: "I know for a terrific 100 percent FACT that LEBROWN JAMES is rebonsisple for this. NFL should suspend him. GO BACK TO YOUR SHITHOLE COUNTRY!" Then Trump remembered that he was banned in January. Palmer Report tweeted: "Still a bigger pickle than Donald Trump's." Rob Reiner: "Funniest shit I've ever seen!" (Full article...) Recently featured: UnNews:Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; USA Joins in Support User:Y UnScripts:Quentin Tarantino's Teletubbies Pikmin Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Selected anniversaries May 14: "Aren't Space Stations Just Spaceships That Can't Move?" Day (U.S.) 468 BC - The color of the sky deemed to be blue by Greek philosophers. 1607 - The settlement of Jamestown, Virginia is founded in the middle of a swamp, local mosquito population ravaged by Human flu. 1846 - The United States snatches Mexico's purse and pilfers 500,000 square miles of sweet land. 1974 - NASA accidentally launches the planned Skylab station into the ocean. (Pictured) 1975 - Vehicle meant to retrieve Skylab from the ocean accidentally launched into outer space, vehicle renamed to Skylab. 1976 - Astronauts stage a mutiny against Earth after being tethered to a giant claw for three months. 2007 - After billions of dollars of research and intense study, Bill Gates finally hits puberty. 2008 - The Secret Service find George W. Bush hiding behind a vase in the White House cantina: "Is my presidency over?" Bush says. 2074 - I lose my house keys again. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of the day soul Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. edit In the news Switzerland wins Eurovision Netherlands disqualified in final shocker YouTube is dead D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support (Pictured) Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced Santa's Elves on strike UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game? Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Eurovision Recent deaths: O. J. Simpson · Bernard Hill · Nemo's first trophy · Roger Corman · Chrissie from Jaws Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for White Broncos · God's curse on the Buffalo Bills (..maybe) More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... ... that Bill Cowher isn't actually that fireman that saved you, ma'am? ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet? Do you care... ... that Peyton Manning knows Terrell Owens is the REAL reason he's not playing Today? ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost? Read More
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Quarterback of the Month and Waterboy of the Month David Gerard. What needs to be said about this extraordinary person? He lived life to the fullest. He scaled Everest and swam the Marianas. He piloted a kayak through the rivers of the Yukon with naught but a broken compass to guide him. Now he sits in a nursing home: Alzheimer's has rotted his brain to such an extent that he no longer recognizes himself as the WotM-winning author of Voice Chat, Fountainhead Earth and X Window System. If a picture is worth a thousand words, those on Noob of the Month MoneySign's image gallery are good for an average of at least 940 words apiece (he loses points because his Taste picture offends the Greeks). Classic Money highlights include Hazard Dogs and the tuberiffic logo for UnNews, which MS constructed entirely out of string, spittle and beer can tabs. Congratulations to Rcmurphy, this year's Most Valuable Player! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Past Winners: 2005/2006

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