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Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.

Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.

Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)

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DID Y0U KN0W...

... that a smiling Joe Pesci is never a good thing? (Pictured)

... that Christmas was cancelled in 1984 after an unfortunate accident between Santa and a Boeing 747? (Pictured)

... that The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020 was caused by Uncyclopedians?
... that You have to be lucky all the time, but we only have to be lucky once?
... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?

... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)

... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?
... that there is one imposter among us?
... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"

... that Vladimir Putin's warm and paternal gaze can cure cancer?

... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today!
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer?
... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?

... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured)

... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?
... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.

... that Margaret Thatcher (Pictured) died thirty years too late?

... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?

... that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy? (Pictured)

... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?
... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
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... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?

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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • UConn ladies' basketball season + Jordan's Furniture customers • Jesus Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP UNN3W5 – R4DI0 FR33 1UNC\|-\|
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April 4: National No Spamming Day (Iraq) 3141 BC - The world's first great pi was baked. It took $\pi$ years to eat. 1949 - Iceland's blundered declaration of war on the USA leads to the accidental formation of NATO. 1503 - Disneyland Central America opens in the Aztec city of Tenochtitlan. 1975 - You really should have bought shares in Microsoft, which was formed on this day. 1984 - President Ronald Reagan calls for an international ban on something or other, oh hell I can't remember. (Pictured) 2001 - The butterfly effect is proved in an ingenious experiment, causing devastating hurricane damage in China. 2002 - Actor Mickey Rooney begins his process of decomposition. \/I3W 70M0RR0W – M0R3 4NNI\/3R54RI35...

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The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it.

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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