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From today's featured article 

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COLUMBUS, Indiana -- Psycho Christian white supremacist former Vice President Mike Pence has gotten himself into another pickle. Only this time, it's quite literally a pickle. The former VP discovered that he had turned into a former cucumber.

"No explanation at all," Pence told Newsmax Tuesday. "I just woke up one day and discovered I had turned into a pickle. I know the European Union turned President Trump into a walrus, and former Press Secretary... What was that bastard's name again?... into an eggman, but I believe they wouldn't waste their time on me. I believe it was Hillary Clinton, Obama, The Bidens, the Kennedys, The Addams Family, Rosie O'Donnell, Britney Spears, Oprah, Steve Harvey and those goddamned liberal Democrats who stole the election from me-- I mean, us!"

There is zero evidence of any of these parties being involved in the incident.

"Mother is going to be ashamed of me. She warned me about sticking my pickle where it didn't belong."

To make matters worse, Dan Harmon has filed a cease-and-desist against Pence.

Twitter erupted in the wake of the news. Donald Trump tweeted: "I know for a terrific 100 percent FACT that LEBROWN JAMES is rebonsisple for this. NFL should suspend him. GO BACK TO YOUR SHITHOLE COUNTRY!" Then Trump remembered that he was banned in January.

Palmer Report tweeted: "Still a bigger pickle than Donald Trump's."

Rob Reiner: "Funniest shit I've ever seen!" (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood? (Pictured)
  • ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
  • ... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
  • ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
  • ... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
  • ... that this in not a DYK entry?
  • ... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
  • ... that Abraham Lincoln was an accomplished skateboarder?

In the news 

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On this day 

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May 14: "Aren't Space Stations Just Spaceships That Can't Move?" Day (U.S.)

Picture of the day

Lance Brick
 When it was invented, the lance with a brick on the end was considered a marvel of contemporary medieval war technology. The lance with a brick on the end made it possible for unexperienced, n00b knights to defeat 1337 knights using the old-fashioned, brick-free lances nine times out of ten. The vast superiority of the lance with a brick on the end led to its near-universal adoption within a period of less than two decades. Note that the n00b knight on the right also has an Apexi "Cat back" muffler system on his head, which is first evidence that riceboys existed as early as the 14th century.

Image credit: Sunsneezer
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