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37,687 governments to overthrow
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Today's featured propaganda
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BOGOTÁ, Colombia, Fake America -- Millions of rioting Colombians are being thrown into giant paddy-wagons by Bogotá police in a tense standoff. The people are violently rioting for the right to take part in the annual Eurovision Song Contest, a European song contest in which Israel and Australia have been permitted to participate.
Colombia has a rich music culture where their very simplistic yet camp and cliché musical style would fit in perfectly with Eurovision. However, for many years now, Israel has vetoed Colombians from joining the contest, claiming that "Colombians just can't be gay" (a prerequisite for any group to perform at Eurovision). In a recent interview for CNN, Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu raised serious questions about the ability of Colombian people to be flamboyant homosexuals. As we all remember, the best TV show in the history of mankind, Yo soy Betty, la fea, is actually a Colombian show; but that show is so rampantly homophobic that, along with Colombia's brutal machista culture, Israel has concerns about how much Colombians are able to express their gayness at the Eurovision. Netanyahu was quoted as saying: "Colombians are so manly, you can smell their ball sweat from a mile away. No one would take them seriously dancing around on stage in plastic pants singing about forbidden love".
(Full article...)
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Did you know...
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*... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
- ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
- ... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
- ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
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In the news
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On this day...
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May 12: Barry Manilow Day
- 100 AD - Barry Manilow, immortal muse of all music, writes the very first song. Critics hate it, but what do they know.
- 1877 - Oscar Wilde pens his poem Sonnet to Liberty, advocating socialism and decrying many contemporary fashion trends.
- 1881 - In North Africa, Tunisia becomes a French protectorate, and thus enjoys its last noteworthy moment for nearly 100 years, until the filming of Star Wars there in 1977.
- 1974 - Depressed mood ring commits suicide, says "I can't handle the pressure" in heartfelt note. (Pictured)
- 1985 - The Book of the Dead is discovered by a 12 year old child in London and sold for three baseball cards and a Jefferson Starship cassette tape.
- 2003 - Pocahontas sells her memoir "Hokey Pokey: Frolicking, Singing, and Doing a White Guy" to Disney, which is subsequently made into a popular children's movie.
- 2004 - The corpse of Walter Cronkite rises from the grave to report on the Alabama tri-county kitten pageant.
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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