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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Johnson! My fine fellow, I haven't seen you since the Boer War! Bah, we must have made a glorious slaughter of those Dutchies in the Jungle eh? Ha Ha Ha, please, sir, sit down!

Why the long face? What's this you say, you're having trouble with Women-folk? Oh dear Johnson, oh dear oh dear. Still, Stiff upper lip, or should I say Stiff lower member? Ha Ha Ha, that is the problem I assume Old boy?

What! Speak man!, you're not some mumbling Frisian I do hope! Do you walk around in wooden shoes? Do you spend your evenings getting baked, then calling directory enquiries, asking for the number to directory enquiries? HA. No, I didn't think so. You're BRITISH man! My God, speak up for the love of all that is gloriously pompous!

Well...

I hope you haven't been seeing those China-women Johnson. Oh Johnson you old rascal! You picked up an oriental venereal disease, didn't you? Oh there's no shame in it ole sport. Quite the rage. Come on man, whip it out, I'll see what I can do, come on don't be a shy old Aunt ... (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that the The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art will play host to some of Pau Pei's most groundbreaking works of concentric art? (Pictured)

... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven?
... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?

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In the news [edit]

Amazon and the nutty yahoo in charge of Israel continue screwing Palestine
Justin Bieber gives birth to a baby
Switzerland wins Eurovision
- Netherlands disqualified in final shocker
YouTube is dead
D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis
Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support (Pictured)
Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge
NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays
Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig
Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices
Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures
Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced
Santa's Elves on strike
UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler
Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game?

Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Eurovision
Recent deaths: Bernard Hill · Nemo's first trophy · Roger Corman · Chrissie from Jaws · Drake's "whole mans career" · Dabney Coleman
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · "New York Knicks suck" jokes.. oh wait, we just jinxed them

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On this day [edit]

May 23: Stop the Stoat Molesting Night

818 - The Force is disturbed for the first time. The Force puts a "Do Not Disturb" sign on her door.
1783 - Due to a lack of women, American pioneers settle for stoats.
1828 - Soap factory accident creates marshmallows.
1829 - Marshmallow factory accident creates tupperware.
1831 - Tupperware factory accident kills dozens of women and children.
1913 - Igor Stravinsky's The Rite Of Spring is first performed in Paris. It is a huge success and nobody riots, not even a little.
2006 - Hal 9000 starts an advice column for worried humanoids, fails miserably.
2007 - President George W. Bush accidentally knocks over his ant farm and cries.

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Picture of the day

This is just tasteless. Absolutely juvenile!

Image credit: User:Zana Dark
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