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Original Jesus was said to be
emo.
This is evident from his
self harming, which can be seen on his hands and feet
Pick your Jesii below, but hurry.
† The Holy Family of the Jesii †
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The Sacred Host of Major Jesii
Fear their wrath, and beware their contrived names. If you are still confused about which one you want, it's probably Original Jesus.
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Main Jesii
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Original Jesus: Hey, hey, hey, it's the Jee Man himself!
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Original Jesus's Crackhead Twin Half-Brother: Jebus
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Evil Jesus: Like the Antichrist, but worse.
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¿Qué?: Jesús
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Jesus Christ Sponge: Purge sin and clean your dishes!
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Don't care if it rains or freezes? You need Plastic Jesus
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Placebo Jesus : Will never lift a finger for you, no matter what you believe!
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Your own: Personal Jesus
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Jesus Hasselhoff: He's everywhere!
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Jesus' very own Homeland: Jesusland
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Canadian Jesus: The Second Coming!
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Not To Be Confused With Super-Gay Jesus: Gay Jesus
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MicroJesus: A teeny, tiny Jesus that forgives all of your teeny, tiny sins.
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Jesus saves (leftovers): Jesusware
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Jesus was Christian, NOT Jewish: Enough said.
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But what If Jesus had lived in America?
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The So-So Company of Other Jesii
The Abandoned Hallway of Unwanted Jesii
The Sacred Host of Minor Jesii
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