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Thursday, November 13, 2025
Dear pointless entity,
By the time you read this, I'll be watching The Uncyclopedia Movie. I'm sorry for leaving you this way, but you win some, you lose some - and in your case, you lose everything. I know this might seem like a bit of a shock to you, seeing as we made all those plans to push the boundaries of human genetics past the point of good taste by procreating, but I just don't see things working out that way. I'm sorry about this — but honestly, putting my hamster in the microwave was too much. I just need a dirty magazine, my right hand and a toilet paper — that's all it takes, really. I want to tell you that I think you are a..well...um...okay, nice...yeah...maybe, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not really compatible. You are the demi-duchess of Kumswalla, and I am a nun. You like forcing naughty school children to read the Necronomicon, scratching yourself publicly, and arguing with the voices only you can hear over dinner plans, and I'm just not sure I can ever share your joy in those things. How can two people so different ever make it for the long haul? I think we should date virtualized Sim replicas of each other. But I want you to know that I'll think of you whenever I need a good laugh. I'd really like us to become partners in crime and rob helpless old ladies of their retirement savings, if that's okay with you. I think we can do it. We had some good times, I assume, in some other more cheerful reality among the infinite number of alternate universes out there. Take care of yourself and never forget that you've only got one bullet left, it's going to take more than that to stop me.
~ Dalai Llama. |