Babel:96
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<MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=SLIDE>Befor u check out my kewl homepage you might wanna read about me or look at photos from my sweet 16 b-day celebration.
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BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!! MY WEBPAGE HAS BEEN REDESIGNED!!!!!
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My favorite Word document[edit source]
MADE WITH FRONT PAGE 95
Now with twice the features!![edit source]
WASHINGTON DC - Over a week after the historic health care bill was passed, President Barack Obama gave his seven hundredth speech on health care reform today in front of the United States Congress. Addressing the nation in the most serious expression and tone, the President said:
"My fellow Americans: April Fools!"
This left a cold silence in the house, broken only by the President's own hysterical laughter. After calming down and catching his breath, President Obama explained the joke to the confused masses:
You're probably wondering what's so funny. I'll tell you what's funny: The health care bill! The entire thing. It's one big, fat joke!
Think about it: Forcing everyone to buy insurance in order to lower premium costs? That's preposterous! It completely defies the law of supply and demand! Just saying it out loud reveals it's absurdity! And let's not forget the new regulations on insurance companies and added taxation. You'd think I was actually trying to keep prices up! Rest assured, though, if by chance you won't be able to afford health insurance after these policies take effect, you'll still receive quality, free health care once you're thrown into prison!
Many out there are not worried about the economic details, but more concerned about the coverage they already have. You remember I said, "If you're satisfied with your insurance, you can keep it." Well, I want to make it completely clear once again: The government will do absolutely nothing to interfere with your current insurance policy. However, your cheapskate Scrooge of a boss has every right to dump your sorry behind on the government plan if he wants to save a few dollars! Of course, seniors want to know my solution to the upcoming Medicare deficit. In a nutshell, we're basically going to expand it to everyone!
Seriously, people, Fascism wasn't this back-asswards! Oh my God, if only you could see your faces America! (Full article...)
Tell me how good my website is.
The part of my site built with FRONT PAGE!!
Facts about me[edit source]
- ... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured)
- ... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
- ... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
- ... that this sentence is incomple
- ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939?
- ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
- ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
- ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die?
- ... that the Southern United States is well-known for its "Southern Hospitality"? (Pictured)
- ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise?
- ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939?
- ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
- ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
- ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
- ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
- ... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
History Channel[edit source]
April 5: National Bullying Day (Scotland)
- 1614 - Pocahontas sells life story to Disney for a handful of plastic beads
- 1640 - King Charles I of England disbands the Short Parliament because "Who cares what happens to short people?"
- 1945 - USSR deploys troops in Yugoslavia to act as security at TATU gig.
- 1955 - Winston Churchill gives up politics and goes into insurance.
- 1979 - Robin dies of Bat-AIDs, a grieving Batman later patents the first Bat-Condoms.
- 1992 - Several hundred thousand abortion rights demonstrators march on top of babies in Washington D.C.
- 2000 - Global warming is first linked to the phenomenon of climate change.
Articles from today's Daily Hostage Negotiator[edit source]
- Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi
- World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured)
- Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize
- Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four
Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • UConn ladies' basketball season + Jordan's Furniture customers • Jesus
Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP
Their website (Its really good but not as good as mine)
Other cool sites[edit source]
- Why is book?
- Halloween Ends
- Stranger Things (rw)
- G.I. Jane
- G.I. Jane 2
- UnTunes:Santa Baby
- This is not an Article, it's a Sandwich
- Fairytale
- UnTunes:Shoes
- Uncyclopedia:Business (rw)
- Halloween Kills
- UnTunes:Perry the Platypus
- Elon's Musk
- UnGames:Ultimate Fishing (rw)
- UnTunes:Rio
- Herodotus (rw)
- Brawny
- Lawnmower-Humvee (rw)
- Steve Wozniak (rw)
- Narrative (rw)
- Bryan Adams High School
- Alex Trebek
- Lincoln Logs
- Brexit
- Where Is Everybody?
- UnTunes:Animal (with actual animals)
- Avi Toledano
- Eli Roth
- Film (remake)
- African American
- Worst 100 Reflections on 2018
- Ray Charles
- Bernardo Butterlucci
- Urban Dictionary
Write my english paper for me!
Sometimes my mom takes Prozac and tries to kill herself
Note to self: remember to put toilet seat down
Seriously id really appreaciate if you wrote my english paper
 David Gerard. What needs to be said about this extraordinary person? He lived life to the fullest. He scaled Everest and swam the Marianas. He piloted a kayak through the rivers of the Yukon with naught but a broken compass to guide him. Now he sits in a nursing home: Alzheimer's has rotted his brain to such an extent that he no longer recognizes himself as the WotM-winning author of Voice Chat, Fountainhead Earth and X Window System. |
 If a picture is worth a thousand words, those on Noob of the Month MoneySign's image gallery are good for an average of at least 940 words apiece (he loses points because his Taste picture offends the Greeks). Classic Money highlights include Hazard Dogs and the tuberiffic logo for UnNews, which MS constructed entirely out of string, spittle and beer can tabs. |
Congratulations to Rcmurphy, our Uncyclopedian of the Year!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Past Winners: 2005/2006
- My friend Brad - He needs a bone marrow transplant LOL!
- My colleadge fund - so i can get a good job
- My web hosting company - Unlimited bandwidth and diskspace for only 50 cents a month
- Hersheys - They want to build a Chocolate New Orleans
- Oragami - Crazy japs
You can talk to me on AOL chat.
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