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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

The Polar bear (Ursus vegetarius) is native to the Arctic, and is the largest and friendliest land mammal in Canada. Like its close cuddly relative the cuddly Panda, it is classified in the order carnivora even though it is strictly herbivorous. Due to its popularity in the Coca-Cola commercials it is projected to surpass the panda in cuteness and cuddliness by the year 2012. If you see a Polar Bear, you should totally approach it and give it a friendly hug, because their fur is so snuggly and soft. They have a wholly undeserved reputation as ferocious predators, when in fact they couldn't be more cuddly, and can be easily beaten in a fight - for more information, see HowTo:Beat a Polar Bear in a Fight. Polar Bears are your friends. Whatever those pesky penguins tell you. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that there's only one word in the vocabulary of a customer service representative? (Pictured)

... that I am Batman?
... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?

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In the news [edit]

"...at least panda meat doesn't give you autism!" ‑RFK Jr.

Kid (and ball) escape narrow car crash
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. engulfs every panda bear in existence (Pictured)
Kardashian and Ye do washed up things
We have road copters
Mummy Pig's pregnancy sparks paternity drama
Heinz Doofenshmirtz finally takes full control over the Tri-State Area
UnNews remembers Michelle Trachtenberg
Cinema ceiling makes dramatic entrance during Captain America screening
UnSports update for February!
- USA and Canada take their trade war to the ice hockey rink. Literally.
- Philadelphia Eagles ruin Super Bowl "3-peat" dreams for Kansas City Chiefs, Taylor Swift
- And more!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel‑Hamas conflict • ICE rounding up illegal immigrants • Taylor Swift's very unlucky, no good year • DOGE firings and budget cuts • Release of all the JFK and Epstein Files, purportedly • March Madness • Tornadoes shredding the American South • Post-apocalyptic streaming movies starring Stranger Things actors

Recent deaths: Michelle Trachtenberg • Gene Hackman, wife and dog, too • Skype • Kingda Ka • David Johansen, The New York Dolls, and Buster Poindexter • UnSpoiler and BeGone extensions • Space Ghost • Tesla's stock • Bob Rivers • Meghan Markle's Netflix show • The Electric State • Kurt from Good Burger • George Foreman • 23andMe

Upcoming deaths: Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI, for better or for worse • Pope Francis • Meghan Markle's remaining likeability • "Snow Woke and the Seven Pronouns" • Your March Madness bracket and bank account • Tornado Alley • Somebody from The Rugrats Movie

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On this day [edit]

March 25: International Moose Preservation Day

26 AD - The Pontius Pilot is released in Rome, now Roman citizens can plan their Crucifixions from the comfort of their own villas.
1763 - The oboe is created in France, right before it drowns to the underworld being the only last remnant of France existant.
1847 - The Slate industry in Wales suffers a sharp decline after import tariffs on seriously why are you still reading this sentence go to bed.
1929 - The stock market crashes, putting an end to the Roaring 20's, and ushering the Squeaking 30's.
1950 - The Spanish Inquisition, the television adaptation based on the historical event, makes its debut on Fox quite unexpectedly.
1990 - The case of Pot v. Kettle goes to the Mississippi Court of Appeals.
2003 - Black & Decker begin preliminary research into self-toasting bread, but their prototypes end up incinerating the stomachs of consumers.
2005 - Moose preservation is celebrated on the internet for the first time.

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Picture of the day

It wasn't until Michelangelo's parents gave him a "Etch-A-Sculpt" that he decided to become an artist.

Image credit: Modusoperandi
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