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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

It has been four decades since Sir Paul McCartney posed one of history's great philosophical questions: Why don't we do it in the road? At first, the question appeared unanswerable because it was too vague: what was "it"? Racquetball? Clinical trials? Driving? However, literary critics soon determined that McCartney was talking about sex, a determination that, when published, caused several elderly women to faint.

So, why don't we do it in the road? In the late '60s, technology and philosophy had not advanced to a point where a satisfactory answer to this question could be found. However, due to several breakthrough advances, we feel that we can confidently provide not one but several reasons that we do not do it in the road. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Vincent Price is laughing at you from the grave? (Pictured)

... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it?
... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?

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In the news [edit]

The view from the perspective of the infant that Nigel's just dropped

BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children (Pictured)
Florida Man found guilty of attacking Trump "as an alligator", sent to Alligator Alcatraz
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes
Trump presents new science project to Cabinet
Uncyclopedia introduces AI Age Guesser™, petition nears 100,000 signatures
Trump fires Zakk Wylde

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • SNL cast exodus • K-pop: The Movie • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Kids and pregnant moms trying to gain "super autism powers" by binging on Tylenol

Recent deaths: Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR • Cartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3) • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford

Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger (in jail) • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Dallas Cowboys' and Cincinnati Bengals' seasons • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Windows 10 • Kids and moms trying to gain autism powers from Tylenol

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On this day [edit]

Rare image of the invention of alcohol.

September 25: Pastafarian New Year's Eve

75 BC - Julius Caesar assembles a small army to punish the prophet Mosey for ransoming him at too low a cost.
20 - God invents Grues to punish Jews who prosecuted Jesus.
879 - Vikings find the word "Viking" offensive. Change name to Berserkers.
1936 - The great prophet Barry Foster is killed by an unplugged electric model tram whilst convening a Burns supper; he is subsequently devoured by his guests as part of the main course.
2006 - You log on and view Uncyclopedia; millions die.

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Picture of the day

Figuring he would at last turn around his luck, Wild Jim drew the fabled dead man's hand.

Image credit: Sonje
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