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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Rachel Jobe Chengler, (Ray-chel Jo-🐝 惩-ler) known unprofessionally as Rachel Zegler), is a Columbian-American daughter of a dedicated Friends fan, and the worst casting in the history of film, twice. She is known mostly for her award-winning performance in Steven Spielberg's Westo Sido Storyo, which is West Side Story but with a slightly more Puerto Rican cast, and actual wooden actors instead of Natalie Wood. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that guilt tripping junk mail makes up 12% of Africa's GDP? (Pictured)

... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
... that The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020 was caused by Uncyclopedians?
... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?

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In the news [edit]

Eh?

Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian (Pictured)
World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!)
- Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church
Trump Administration prepares to deport everybody except Native Americans
New Easter Bunny is a fascist
4chan hacked, nobody cares
Vatican commits simony
YouTube child educator Ms. Rachel detained and deported by ICE
Scientists revive some dead wolves because they can
Steve's Lava Chicken shut down due to health code violations
Wayne Gretzky's all-time regular season goal record broken by Putin's Instagram buddyboo
Donald Trump receives prestigious award for destroying the stock market
Kid (and ball) escape narrow car crash
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. engulfs every panda bear in existence

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers

Recent deaths: Kurt from Good Burger • George Foreman • 23andMe • Bruce Glover • Richard Chamberlain • Roger Daltrey's eyes and ears • Val Kilmer • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Your 401K • Jay North • The 1-game "playoff runs" of the mid-tier NBA teams • SPOILER: Joel • Pope Francis

Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global Economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Gawr Gura • Google's ad monopoly

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On this day [edit]

Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down...

April 23: Bring Your Penis To Work Day

303 - Deadbeat Saint George refuses to pay for his lizard children's child support.
1875 - Queen Victoria outlaws the word penis, decrees henceforth the organ shall be known as Naughty Mr. Johnson. (Pictured)
1909 - Czarina Alexandra is enraptured by Rasputin's penis, puts it in the parlor mantelpiece.
1953 - Queen Elizabeth II announces that she shall confer upon all royal penii the title of Sir.
1967 - Bono's penis is voted by readers of Us Weekly as being attached to the "World's Biggest Dick."
1968 - Flower Power is replaced by Wind Power, and all the petals are blown away...
1971 - The Rolling Stones release Sticky Penis, their first album on their own label.
1993 - Bill Clinton becomes the first USA president since JFK to bring his penis to the White House.
2008 - Your mom forgets to pack your penis in your lunchbox, You get teased the rest of the day.

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Picture of the day

Unfortunately, despite traditional farmers' resilience across the ages, the "American Gothic" lifestyle just isn't what it used to be.

Image credit: Splaka
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