User:Lstarnes/HowTo:Kill Everyone(BETA)

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So, you want to kill everybody in the world, don't you? Here's how:

Method 1: When Idiot Presidents Attack!

You will need:

• An idiot with too much power (in this case, George W. Bush).
• A way to communicate with said idiot, like a phone.
• $500, to pay for shipping of the "Nuclear Football"

• 1. Find George W. Bush.
• 2. Tell him that you have his nose and that he'll only get it back if he gives you the Nuclear Football. This will give you the launch codes for every nuke in the U.S. arsenal.
• 3 Repeat #2, but this time tell him that he'll only get his nose back if he declares war on a Communist country.
• 4 Set them up the bomb(s), thus killing everybody in that country.
• 5 Wait for a nuclear counterstrike. This will kill everyone in an allied country of the U.S.
• 6 Repeat #4-5 until everyone is dead.

If this doesn't work, try Method 2.

Method 2: Alien War!

You will need:

• A spaceship
• Access to Area 51
• An accomplice
• A gun

• 1. Go to Area 51. Tell the guards that you need to get back to planet Glaxnor.
• 2. Get on board the ship. Tell its autopilot to take you to planet Glaxnor.
• 3. Find Hajik, Glaxnor's Overlord for Life.
• 4. Tell you accomplice to shoot Hajik in the gills.
• 5. Wait until Hajik is dead.
• 6. Disguise yourself as Hajik's advisor, then tell the Glaxnorians that it was an Earthling that killed Hajik.
• 7. The Glaxnorian Armada will attack Earth, thus killing over 6 billion people instantly.

If that, for some retarded reason, failed, try Method 3.