User:Hatmaster
“He insulted my family!”
“He caused global warming!”
“He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops, and taught our children how to play cricket! I'll get you for this, Hatmaster!”
“Yeah, I know him. Nice guy, really. He doesn't seem to like me, though...”
“Complete asshole.”
“Who?”
“Who?”
“Who?”
“Who?”
“Oh, him.”
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Hat Masters and Hatmaster - The lack of connection[edit | edit source]
Hat Masters - The masters of headgear. Second only to Edge Masters, these warriors use a mystical force to bend the powers of hats to their will. So how does any of this relate to Hatmaster? It doesn't. Well, it does in a way. Hatmaster was the first Hat Master, but he is no longer a Hat Master. Hatmaster invented Hat Mastery - the one we're talking about, anyways. There have been several Hatmasters, but we aren't talking about these Hatmasters. We are talking about a specific Hatmaster.
The Climactic Struggle Between Hatmaster The Younger and Hatmaster The Wise[edit | edit source]
The title and powers of the enigmatic "Hatmaster" is something that has been handed down from generation to generation. Unfortunately, this is not a matter of lineage; becoming the latest Hatmaster usually involves the defeat of the last Hatmaster. However, our Hatmaster (Often called HatmasterM, or The Younger) broke the rules in a way, by taking the title by, if you can believe it, matter of circumstantial coincidence. Despite the odds, he took on the powers and responsibilities of the afformentioned master of headgear. But Hatmaster the Wise wouldn't have this; he flagrantly refused to give his powers to some kid who just waltzed into the Net and used his name. So hilarity ensued while the two bombed each other's hometowns. ...however, both being native Oklahomans and, therefore, direct bloodline descendants of Chuck Norris, their combat skills simply cancelled each other out.
Hatmaster - Who the hell?[edit | edit source]
Hatmaster is an unknown entity who is known for placing links to blank pages on sites throughout the interwebs. He has no connection to the chronicling of the creation of the Hat Masters, but claims to the invention of the lightbulb. He takes walks frequently to contemplate his next attack on the idiot population of the U.S.A, assaulting them with his sheer knowledge of big words. He CAN believe it's not butter. You may have seen several quotes from this Hatmaster in various articles on Uncyclopedia. These are just simply his most splendid covert works.
“Hurrah for blank pages! Waait. How did you get here in the first place?”
So why should Hatmaster matter to me?[edit | edit source]
Because -- he fights illiteracy in the United States, and causes a large .5% of the population of the West Coast to take up philosophy. He has triggered the growth of clean industry in over seven states, and has even developed a cure for cancer! Too bad it causes rapid aging in humans.
But no, you should not give this guy any attention. He's a covert worker.
Hatmaster and the usage of Frozt[edit | edit source]
Hatmaster is a well-known student of the arcane arts, but he has been made famous for practically inventing the application of magic we all know as "Frozt. " He stumbled upon the spell when experimenting with ice magic, attempting to make a "Summon Snow Cone" entry in his spell book. Today, it is used to fight off anything ranging from Dragons to Grues to dragon-Grues. Unfortunately, he somehow managed to turn himself into a cold, heartless bastard in the process. Lucky us.
People who are superior to Hatmaster[edit | edit source]
- Chuck Norris
- AxlRd25
- Zakk Wylde
- Luigi
People who are on the same level as Hatmaster[edit | edit source]
- Mustard Jesus
- Lotus Roooot!
- Oscar Wilde
- This Guy
- The average Dragon-Grue
The Unfinished List of Those Inferior to Hatmaster[edit | edit source]
- Dr. Ivo Robotnik
- Every Death Knight in existence
- Gary Gygax
- Tom Cruise
- The entirety of the Gaia Online General Discussion
- The entirety of Youtube trolls
- Lucas
- Barack Obama
- Hatmaster the Wise
- Sephiroth
- King Harkinian
- Over 90% of the Terran Cookie Army
Hatmaster crosses The Rubicon[edit | edit source]
And this occured: [1]
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Gender - Male. This is one fact that he, himself, has given us.
- Age - Unknown. His grammar and lack of humor suggest that he must be over sixty. This is disputed.
- Name - It's Hatmaster. Really.
- Натиже Лангуаге - Руссиан, ор со ит сеемс.
- Hatmaster, though having the ability to believe it's not butter, cannot believe that Chuck Norris can jump into a lake and not get wet.
- Hatmaster invented the Chia pet. He is now developing the Chia hamburger, for ovenless beef sandwich action. All he has are sketches.
- In Soviet Russia, trivia reads YOU!!!
- Hatmaster has no artistic ability whatsoever. This may explain his lack of humor.
- Hatmaster is the author of How to slay a dragon-grue. His book sold two copies.
- Hatmaster invented U.B. Funkeys as a Farthoverian(sic)propaganda. He now regrets the lack of hype/monetary gain.
- Фамед Анцесторс; Адолф Читлер, Роналд МцДоналд, Лорд Сора.
А сецрет мессаге[edit | edit source]
То тчосе оф ыоу вчо цан реад сымболизед Руссиан, И бид ыоу челло. Тчис ис симплы филлер техт со тчат мы артицле цан ехтенд фуртчер. Тчис ис, ин нов ваы, соме кинд оф сецрет цоде ор политицал инсиде информатион. Йуст игноре тчис.
...аре ыоу стилл реадинг тчис артицле..?
See Also (Contributions)[edit | edit source]
- Additions to List of weapons that don't exist, but should
- Crashing of the Chuck Norris wearing a dress page
- If you clicked on the link above, you really are an idiot.
- More to come. Possibly more Farthoverian propaganda.