User:Hardwick Fundlebuggy/Moose-Robot War of 1820

While many still argue over the details concerning the Moose-Robot War of 1820, almost everyone can agree on one key point: That it never actually happened. The evidence to back the completely fictitious nature of the conflict is overwhelming. The vast majority of peoples on all of the Earth's continents (except, of course, Australia) will claim to have never heard of a Moose-Robot war, ever, in their entire lives right up until that point when you just asked them, right then, and even afterwards. And none of their friends heard of it neither. So, the issue is decided. It is a fact, pure and simple. The Moose-Robot War of 1820 never actually happened.

Or ..... Did it? (Big Crash of Thunder)

Oh, uhhhh, maybe it did. Hadn't thought of that actualy. Don't really care, either.

Scratch the surface. Dig deeper. You will find that you've made a small hole in a scratchy surface. This is just the kind of thing that the CIA will tell you was a pointless thing to do. And that should send alarm bells ringing. One man who has heard alarm bells ringing for almost his entire life, even in unspoiled woodland, far from any alarms, is Selwyn Hystorical. Mr. Hystorical has devoted his entire life to uncovering the TRUTH behind the Moose-Robot War of 1820. He has compiled a dossier of FACTS that debunk the popular theory that it never actually happened. He owns a big jar of EVIDENCE also.

So, then, let's look at the spread of Moose-related robot materials on the table and sift out some of the FACTS from the sugar.

Number 1: Myth or Fact???

Myth! No one ever talks about the Moose-Robot War of 1820, or cares about it so it never actually happened.

Fact! A small group of slightly deaf cave dwellers in North Dakota do talk about the Moose-Robot War of 1820, and they also care very deeply about it, which is why they live in a cave. Now, ok, they are a bit deaf, and ninety nine percent of the time they probably actually mean the Great Mouse-Rabbit War of 1820, which happened in North Dakota when some rabbits drew an arbitrary taxation line across mouse territory. This caused bitter divisions in families that last right up to today. Father fights father. Daughter fights Second Aunt, twice removed, then brought home again. Son fights Rabbit.

So, the connection is there. And if you follow it, you come to Mr. Selwyn Hystorical. He talks about the Moose-Robot War of 1820 all the time, so it must have happened. He never shuts up about it, in fact, which makes his case even stronger.

Number 2: Myth or Fact???

Myth! There were no robots in 1820, so the whole idea is stupid.

Fact! The robot came from the future! He then built a whole army of other robots and they went and antagonised some moose. Think about it. What's to stop some Moose in the year 2547 accidentally killing a robot with a big lasar. Then that robot's son gets really angry and swears revenge. Not justice, mind, but revenge. So he decides to travel back in time and kill every moose on the planet. It was a robot from the future on a revenge mission against moose. Simple.

Number 3: Myth or Fact???

Myth! There were no moose in 1820, so the whole idea is stupid.

Fact! Moose, my friend, have lived in harmony with the planet for thousands of years. Either get used to it or leave the room.

Number 4: Myth or Fact???

Myth! Moose are peace loving creatures. They wouldn't go to war for anything. Even when it comes to mating rights, most Moose prefer not to lock antlers and settle the whole thing amicably with a game of cards.

Fact! It is simply not true that a Moose can't be provoked. Have you ever gone into a field and hidden behind a hedge and then srumpled up a piece of A4 sized paper and thrown it at a Moose and then hidden? No? Well, for the first 982 goes, the Moose doesn't seem to mind. But after 983, many begin to get slightly irritated. By the 23,456th one, a Moose will be looking around, very annoyed, wondering where the paper came from. After another thousand, he'll start snorting and stamping his hooves. It only takes another 521 to get him to charge, in blind fury, at the hedge. And that's just for a hedge! Imagine how annoyed the moose would be if it saw a robot. So it's perfectly possible.

Well, that pretty much settles it, then

Yes it does, doesn't it? The Moose-Robot War definitely definitely happened in 1820. And like all wars of the time, the action was probably accompanied by music on a honky-tonk piano. The Robots would have fought with lasars and the moose would have smashed bottles over the robot's heads and thrown them through windows. An old timer might have observed the action from afar and quipped "Sheeees a guddun!" The only questions remaning are, where was it, how many moose were involved and what affect did the battle have on slubjubby?

Where

According to Selwyn Hystorical, the battle most definitely happened in 1820 and it happened in either Cardiff, France, Patagonia, New Mexico, Quebec or on the Moon. There is strong evidence in favor of Quebec, as recent badly spelled archeological diggs uncovered evidence of Moose droppings and these massive robot feet that no one knows where they came from. But Mr. Hystorical favors the battle having happened in France, because he likes France.

How Many

This one is easy. 2 Moose and 2 Robots. The battle took four years though, because public transport in Quebec is very bad, so they had to walk to the battlefield and they kept getting lost.

Effect on Slubjubby

None, and to this day, no one knows what slubjubby is.