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From the Chief • Audio • Podcast • Goldstein Award • Foolitzer Prize • Ask Cthulhu • Ask Hal 9000 • Tech Support
PARIS - Officials at the International Astronomical Union (IAU) in Paris expressed disappointment yesterday when they learned that the discovery of a tenth planet ranks 10th on a nationally compiled list of the 20 least cared-about news topics in America.
2003 UB313, the as-yet unnamed body, is larger than Pluto and has its own moon. The discovery of the planet had sparked a lively academic debate on the definition of a planet, but has yet to resonate with most Americans. -- more
HOLLYWOOD, California -- Charmin pitchman and television icon Mr. Whipple, has died at the age of 91. Whipple, born George Whipple Bush but dropped his last name at age 18, died Monday after squeezing a package of Charmin that was contaminated with E. Coli. Whipple was unaware of the contamination, despite the warnings of bystanders at the local grocery store called Albertsons.
"It was horrifying!" said John McCartney, 41. "I couldn't look. I had to cover my eyes."
As he squeezed, the TV legend inhaled a bit of the bacteria, which quickly led to a heart attack and an unbearable urge to pee. Confused Whipple didn't know which one he needed to take care of first. -- more
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Worldwide Forecast at a Glance:
- Wales once again will become trapped within its own special atmosphere comprising mostly of rain and mist but occasional 'sheep storms' may appear in the late afternoon.
- Tomorrow's weather will be sunny, with a 30% chance of cheerleaders holding a fund raiser!
- Forecast alert: Expect 30 to 40 tornadoes to pummel dowtown LA and Hollywood with dropping box office receipts.
- Inflow and horizontal vorticity may tilt into mesocylones anytime this Spring.
- In summary, light breezes everywhere.
Special Weather Report:
A pack of wild hurricanes were spotted off the coast of Sweden.
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Statistically, this forecast makes more sense than some countries' foreign policy.
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