Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Tagstit/Unnews:Researchers discover that the song "All You Need is Love", may in fact be false.
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User:Tagstit/Unnews:Researchers discover that the song "All You Need is Love", may in fact be false.
First Unnews, it is pretty brief and may need expansion, but might be fine just the way it is, any input would help! Tagstit 07:12, 21 January 2009 (UTC)
Got it =) --kit 09:38, 21 January 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6.5 | This score is an average between 5 and 8 because in my opinion the 1st half of the article (about the homeless) felt farfetched and not that funny while the 2nd half felt just right. Maybe it didn't go like that but it feels as if you added the whole homeless thing just to drag it out. It would do with a shorter scientist quote about the homeless since it feels like a sidetrack. The focus should stay on the tests performed to prove the song was incorrect (which your title focuses on). Otherwise and as formentioned I appreciated your 2nd scientist quote. Your opening and especially ending paragrafs work well in introducing us to what you will talk about, respectively that the article goes to an end. |
| Concept: | 7 | Nothing wrong with your concept. I've actually spent a few thoughts on that myself and have also concluded that you do need a bit more than love (tough love goes a long way ;) ) But to stay on track, I still think you should review your homeless part though. That one feels like a side track and should remain so, maybe shorten the comment to a few lines. Make it more consise. |
| Prose and formatting: | 4 | This had me disappointed. I've read other of your articles and there's rarely been much problem with your sentences but here quite a few indeed just felt to long or weirdly composed. My tip is for you to read it out loud once and that should easily show which sentences feel wrong. A few examples: You use the verb "believe" in your first and second sentence and it sounds like a repeat, try changing one of them to a synonym. Where you write "and other have their doubts" remove the coma and write "while other have their doubts". You know what, I have a small bunch of sentences that could be either shortened or simplified while keeping their meaning. As i said, I like your concept and most of your humour but here the text just confuses me. It'd almost be simpler if I edited your article with the rephrasing changes I'm thinking of. Just to show you what I mean and how I think. Of course that'd just be a suggestion =) Anyway let me know if you'd like me to do that. |
| Images: | 7 | The beatle cover I found so so but the headless guy and comment was hilarious |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.5 | Average 6.5 ,no +1 cuz you got featured and aint a n00b no more ;) Cheers again btw. |
| Final Score: | 31 | Rethink homeless thing, felt out of context a bit. Your prose could be better. Other than that I liiiked it |
| Reviewer: | --kit 10:10, 21 January 2009 (UTC) | |