Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:PF4Eva/Mr. Nice Guy/archive2
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User:PF4Eva/Mr. Nice Guy[edit source]
I have just given the page a good shot or two of humor and now I think it's ready for the main space. Let me know what you think, thanks! PF4Eva, the President of Imagination Vote for me My tax returns 00:18, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
Humour: | 5 | The humor in this piece feels a little like hurling darts blindfolded and hoping some of them will hit the target. A couple of them do, sure, and there are few chuckles - but fill 20,000 bytes (!) with anything random, and something will hit the mark. Eventually, it just gets kind of tedious, slogging on and waiting for your next chuckle. I'm sorry this seems harsh, but you've really got to raise the level of consistency of this thing before it goes public.
Here's a list of some of what did and didn't work for me. WORKED FOR ME:
DIDN'T WORK FOR ME:
|
Concept: | 3 | Okay, this is what's really killing you. What is the concept of this article? It could work if it were a parody of a biography of a 1950s crooner or standards-writer... but it isn't. It's got all this stuff in it about helping little old ladies across the street, cross-dressing, televangelism, working at Disneyland... it's all over the place. If you can't understand what the joke is about, you won't get the joke. |
Prose and formatting: | 7 | Most of the prose seems consistently "professional," as one would expect to find in an encyclopedia or biography. Some of it doesn't, like "Least that's what you'd fucking think!" or "He got fired after forgetting to fart." Breaking out of a professional tone into something else can be funny, but you have to establish the tone, first. Anyway, though, the prose is pretty much adequate. |
Images: | 8 | Some of the images are the best part of this piece, I think. The "F-I-N G-E-R P-E-N-I-S" picture was particularly amusing. I liked the "Mr. *ice guy" photo, but it's not captioned ideally, I think - the idea that Niceguy held a job as Rice-O-Roni is perhaps a little too weird to be funny. |
Miscellaneous: | 6 | averaged |
Final Score: | 29 | Sorry, man, but I think this one needs to go all the way back to the drawing board. Or maybe to the drawing board for the first time, because that's the main problem with the article: it seems like you started writing it with very little plan for what it was going to be. I think the first thing you've got to ask yourself is "What is this a parody of?" Go from there. |
Reviewer: | Hyperbole 21:43, 3 May 2008 (UTC) |
But I don't need any more pee.
PF4Eva
Thank you! I think I have everything fixed now. I'm gonna move it to the main space and see what everybody else thinks about the humor. PF4Eva, the President of Imagination Vote for me My tax returns 21:17, 10 May 2008 (UTC)