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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

The brewing and consumption of English beer, or "Warm piss water" as it is known in Britain, is a sure sign that the typically polite, warmhearted, and fairly intelligent limey that you see before you is, in actuality, either a raging alcoholic or a person of such rare gastric fortitude and mental deficiency that the entire Isle could sink beneath them and they'd laugh about it for days.

The mystery of why pub dwellers drink this swill has confused the gentry for centuries. Nowadays the English cannot afford refrigerators to chill their beer, as they spend their meager salaries on nicotine, sugar, Chinese trinkets, burberry hats (see chavs), and the latest fashions from India. But since the invention of refrigeration is historically recent, and certainly doesn't explain why Brits first began to down the dreary suds, a brief look into the fog of history may provide answers. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that former Australian prime minister John Howard once spent over 48 hours in session with his cabinet? (Pictured)

... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?

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In the news [edit]

Switzerland wins Eurovision
- Netherlands disqualified in final shocker
YouTube is dead
D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis
Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support (Pictured)
Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge
NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays
Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig
Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices
Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures
Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced
Santa's Elves on strike
UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler
Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game?

Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Eurovision
Recent deaths: Bernard Hill · Nemo's first trophy · Roger Corman · Chrissie from Jaws · Drake's "whole mans career" · Dabney Coleman
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · "New York Knicks suck" jokes.. oh wait, we just jinxed them

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On this day [edit]

May 21: Appreciation Appreciation Day

1453 - Hundred Years' War finally ends. France win after a penalty shoot-out.
1587 - The Puritans sit down with the Native Americans and appreciate the hospitality. The Native Americans do not appreciate the smallpox.
1874 - Husbands in New York walk to New Jersey to drink away from the prying eyes of their teetotaler wives.
1989 - Patrick Bateman beats his own record for number of prostitutes killed in one night.
1991 - President George H.W. Bush declares May 21st to be Appreciation Appreciation Day, to appreciate all the appreciation going on in the world.
2004 - Che Guevara comes out of hiding after faking his death, is surprisingly cool with having his face sold on T-shirts. (Pictured)
2011 - God takes a quick nap, people breath a little easier for a few hours without God to give people shame.

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Picture of the day

The newest antagonist for horror movie fans to believe, The Hook Headed Man was conceived while watching Treasure Island on crack. In the movie, the way he came about is described as "A pirate who fell into radioactive sludge." It would have made him into the superhero "Arrr-man", but that was too close to a copyrighted character from Sesame Street, so this is the next-best thing the writers could come up with.

Image credit: Jocke Pirat
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