Portal:Culinary

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The Food and Cooking Portal

Food is one of the most dangerous substances known to humankind. It is not only poisonous but carcinogenic, so much so that it or one of its derivatives is found in the tumours of all cancer patients. Unfortunately for us, it is also notoriously hard to avoid and extremely addictive, so you probably eat it every day. The world of conventional medicine has mostly failed to recognise this threat to public safety, going so far as to advocate its consumption. Alternative medicine, however, is well aware of the dangers of food, and alternative doctors never allow their patients to eat it. As food is everywhere, the difficulty of avoiding it discourages many from following through with alternative treatments, and they go back to clueless conventional doctors who rely on old-fashioned cutting, burning and slashing. (Full article...)

Cooking ... it's not exactly music... but it's close. Cooking is the act of applying culinary finesse to raw materials a manner that would procreate delectable (needless to say edible) and proper nourishment for humans of civilisation. It is prepared by 90% of the women in the world who come home after hours of grueling sexual harassment and unproductive meetings to apply heat to the meat or frozen dinner in order to satisfy the man. It encompasses a vast range of methods, drawers full of once used tools, and 5 used daily. The combinations of ingredients and rearranged rotations serve to disguise the same old same oldishness of the food. (Full article...)

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This exclusive version of the film can only be found on the Special Edition DVD. Commenting on the film are it's co-directors, Peter Bogdanovich (BOG) and Unrelated Quotes Guy (UQG).BOG: Well ah, welcome to the audio, comments, section, of the l-l-long awaited release of this.. hurh, film.. Sex Seafood. I wrote it, and I am, of course, legendary director, Peter Bogdanovich... I am joined today. By eh, sigh.. my co-director, and generally confused individual, Mr. Unrelated Quotes. Guy.UQG: Knowing is the easy part; saying it out loud is the hard part.
BOG: Yes, of course... Lets us, eya, begin? Yes, of course.Act I: Meet AlisterAlister stands in the large tank, alone.ALISTER: I've been in this condition for a while... Its hard, life is hard. Hard for a lobster...UQG: Well, you see, there's gold, and then there are pants.

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Culinary News

LOS ANGELES - Erstwhile "entertainer," Bobby Brown spent a night in the hospital after suffering a Big Mac attack, his attorney said Wednesday.

Brown had severe chest pains after eating four McDonald's Big Macs Tuesday night and was taken to two hospitals. He was admitted to Tarzana Regional Medical Center in the San Fernando Valley.

"This morning they did diagnose him as suffering from a transient Big Mac attack ... they attributed (it) to not getting enough 100% pure beef patties and special sauce in his diet," said his attorney, Phaedra Parks, in Atlanta.

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Cooking with Poop for Dummies

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“I just stepped on a box of cornflakes. ”
~ Cereal killer

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God's cookin'

Cracker Barrel is a Southern US-themed family style restaurant that operates in North America, particularly in the United States. The chain has locations in 41 states with each business consisting of a restaurant and a country store that sells cheap junk that only your grandmother would want to buy. The nostalgia of the "stuff" these folks peddle easily offsets the extremely poor and toxic quality of the goods. The food itself is fairly decent considering it is processed southern comfort food.

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Featured Food Product

"Yum!" - Butter on Bacon

Bacon

First invented by Sir Francis Bacon to combat famine, Bacon lives true to its purpose as the primary weapon in the War on Hunger. In the early 1500s when Sir Francis Bacon, troubled by the lack of fat in people’s diets, decided to solve the problem by creating Bacon himself. He started with a pig and, using a series of chemical processes, he isolated several pounds of the new, awesome element he wanted: Bacon. With an infinite number of protons, neutrons, and electrons, Bacon was the first element in the Awesomnium series to be discovered by man.

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