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the dead encyclopedia that Ned can reanimate.

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Today's featured corpse

Clown alledgedly threatened by Bryce Von Deenis.

COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More)

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Did you know...

... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured)

... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!

... that Christmas was cancelled in 1984 after an unfortunate accident between Santa and a Boeing 747? (Pictured)

... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that torture is better to give than to receive?
... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?

... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured)

... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!

... that Christmas was cancelled in 1984 after an unfortunate accident between Santa and a Boeing 747? (Pictured)

... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that torture is better to give than to receive?
... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?

... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured)

... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!

... that Christmas was cancelled in 1984 after an unfortunate accident between Santa and a Boeing 747? (Pictured)

... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that torture is better to give than to receive?
... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?

... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured)

... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!

Old pies – Suggest new pies

Latest murders
Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran Undetermined: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Murder News – Free Lunch at the Pie Hole**
Past murders...
March 8: International Men Without Penises Day 4000 BC - God creates Eve, Adam celebrates that he doesn't have to keep stroking it by himself. 4001 BC - Eve forces Adam to sleep outside the hut after expecting free handies without anything in return. 1919 - Women marching on Washington, D.C. seeking the right to vote cite Oscar Wilde's play A Woman of No Importance as an example of misogynistic views. 1935 - Sophia blesses the women of the Earth by giving them the G-Spot, although men are cursed to never find it. 1978 - Your mother is born. According to statistics, she likely experiences 18-34 years of relative ease before you are born. 2026 - Losers on 4chan and Reddit rant about how they never got the girl of their dreams (Pictured), despite being "nice guys." View tomorrow – More murders...
Pie of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

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Detective and Piemaker of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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