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Today's featured corpse

Clown alledgedly threatened by Bryce Von Deenis.

COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More)

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Yesterday's featured corpse

Ahhh. Long day of work over. Time to grab that big-ass bowl of vegetable beef barley soup in the fridge.

Bill, you better not have touched my soup again! Like that time you got so drunk you took a whiz in it. Twice. Come to think of it, it was shitty soup. That probably improved it. Not like this one.

Let's see, cake, milk, horse semen, ketchup, monkey, hair roller thingy, soup! Yes! My life is whole again!

Hold on...

Why is my hair roller in here?

Wait...

This horse semen tastes funny. Did you put your semen in here again, Bill?

Don't ask how I know what yours tastes like. We were drunk. Not my fault.

Just a minute...

WHY IS THERE A MONKEY IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE?!? (Full article...)

Did you know...

... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt?

... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling?

... cluck gawk cluck cluck cluck cluck bock bock cluck cluck B`gawk? (Pictured)

... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?
... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?

... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt?

... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling?

... cluck gawk cluck cluck cluck cluck bock bock cluck cluck B`gawk? (Pictured)

... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?
... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?

... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt?

... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling?

... cluck gawk cluck cluck cluck cluck bock bock cluck cluck B`gawk? (Pictured)

... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?
... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?

... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt?

... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling?

Old pies – Suggest new pies

Latest murders
"Come! Come support my tacky AI website!" Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (Pictured; this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over Recent deaths*: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • ~~YouTube~~ • Tom Noonan • McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy* (if you're Gen X) or the dad from Euphoria (if you're a Millennial or Gen Z) • Melania Trump's big movie star career Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to care about Murder News – Free Lunch at the Pie Hole
Past murders...
February 21: Put Off Learning a Foreign Language Day 1848 - Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels publish The Communist Manifesto, 100 billion people instantly die. 1918 - The last Carolina Parakeet dies after calling the local constable a cracker. (Pictured) 1948 - Lazy people create NASCAR to have a sport where you can sit the whole time. 1952 - Winston Churchill wonders how he can get away with being such a flaming racist. 1965 - Malcom X is assassinated by the Nation of Islam, which is a real Nation of Islam sort of thing to do. 2017 - You uninstall the Duolingo app on your phone after you can't commit to 15 minutes of learning Spanish a day. Ay pobrecito. View tomorrow – More murders...
Pie of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie

Symphonia, the Greek goddess of rock (Opera in Roman mythology) was one of the lesser goddesses born to Tethys and Oceanus. She is said to bless those who truly appreciate "a killer riff" by turning herself into a sculpture made out of stone (it is assumed marble). She is considered a lesser goddess because this happened only once.

Image credit: Zombiebaron
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

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Let us all clap for him because I said so.

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