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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Antonio Travis Scott Brown, Sr. , also known as AB or Mr. Man Tits, is the greatest receiver of all time and rapper, and dancer, and masked singer. Don't like it, I suuuue you. The franchise face of the Pittsburgh Steelers starting in 2010, he saved it by his hard work and is the greatest receiver of all time. You hear me? Of ALL TIME! He is from the Pit, not the palace, and made the Pit what it became known for. Big Ben is a meany poopyhead and so is Coach Tomlin.

He's the most humble man on the ...

Alright, cut. Antonio! You know we're not supposed to write a biased article for you, right? And are you sure you want me to write in that amateur tone?

"I gotta whooole lotta money! Who you think you are? You don't make me look good on Weeniepedia Imma sue yo ass!" (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)

... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal?
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
...that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia?
... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal?
... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?

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In the news [edit]

only in ohio

Taylor Swift, Kansas City Chiefs gifted win by "unanimous decision" over Hailee Steinfeld, Buffalo Bills
- Just give the Chiefs the 3-peat already, it's inevitable..
Smokey the Bear revealed to be cause of LA fires
NASA headquarters explode as major star goes on break
The Ohio State wins skibidi championship rizz (Pictured)
- In an alternate universe, Notre Dame wins and saves us all from this monstrosity
Elon Musk "accidentally" does a tribute to.. y'know
Time travelers protest Trump's inauguration, reveal we're stuck in a time loop
TikTok gets banned and unbanned in the US within 24 hours.
Who's performing at Trump inauguration? (2025)
David Lynch dies, weird town to investigate
Los Angeles Rams rest starters in playoff game; backups tush-pushed out of playoffs
Donald Trump given three Nobel Peace Prizes
Donald Trump uses his get out of jail free card
California's real estate market is on fire... literally.
- And in shambles.
- Steve Guttenberg comes to the rescue... without those goofy sound effects
South Korea's president arrested for "accidentally" declaring martial law while ordering pizza, sentenced to play in the Squid Game
Trudeau resigns after making a mess for a decade, Canucks rejoice
Alcohol gets the Surgeon General's Warning for cancer; sparking "Dry January" chaos
Jimmy Carter kicks bucket at the ripe old age of 100
Panama Canal faces ominous threats from both global warming and Donald Trump
Google reveals least popular searches of 2024

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel–Hamas conflict • ICE actually doing their job and rounding up illegal immigrants

Recent deaths: Greg Gumbel • Jimmy Carter • Liberal Party of Canada • Aaron Rodgers' career • Jean-Marie Le Pen • Peter Yarrow • Anita Bryant • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • David Lynch • Bob Uecker • Dame Joan Plowright

Upcoming deaths: TikTok, for real this time • The Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl win hopes • Bashar al-Assad • Diddy's freedom • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Your New Year's resolutions • Los Angeles • Israel–Hamas conflict • Laura Palmer • DEI, for better or for worse

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On this day [edit]

January 30: The Next Great American Novel Day

1835 - Richard Lawrence writes a novel about how he tried to kill Andrew Jackson. Entitled How I Tried to Shoot the President, it became the favorite of Jackson haters in the country.
1925 - Erudite socialite and on-and-off poet M. Masters Droob writes, These Days Will Last Forever, a loosely biographical coming of age tome about an erudite socialite and on-and-off poet.
1965 - Virginian author Jeronio P. McDullum writes his magnum opus, That Remains to be Seen: A Novel of Domestic Discontent, about a loveless marriage between an assistant professor and pugnacious spouse, who wouldn't know a novel from a novella.
1971 - Grizzled, white man's man author Smoker Ennis publishes a road trip anthology, I Fucked The Road; in the cover, he poses with the semi-automatic machine gun he will later use to take his own life.
1973 - Brundon Grishmald writes a 1,249 page novel about every single one of his sexual fetishes in excruciating detail, most people give up by page eighty-four.
2015 - Mariska Told writes a semi-autobiographical Roman à clef about the character defining experiences which paint the life of every American woman, like working at your dad's publishing firm or drunk texting your ex who moved to Long Island three years ago.
2017 - Bright young writer and future MacArthur fellow João Staines writes great work of literary import, you can tell from the tasteful misogyny and the nonsense similies.

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Say kids, is that Jihad thirsty work or what? Get some refreshment with a Fantanatic!

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