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From today's featured article 

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Antonio Travis Scott Brown, Sr. , also known as AB or Mr. Man Tits, is the greatest receiver of all time and rapper, and dancer, and masked singer. Don't like it, I suuuue you. The franchise face of the Pittsburgh Steelers starting in 2010, he saved it by his hard work and is the greatest receiver of all time. You hear me? Of ALL TIME! He is from the Pit, not the palace, and made the Pit what it became known for. Big Ben is a meany poopyhead and so is Coach Tomlin.

He's the most humble man on the ...

Alright, cut. Antonio! You know we're not supposed to write a biased article for you, right? And are you sure you want me to write in that amateur tone?

"I gotta whooole lotta money! Who you think you are? You don't make me look good on Weeniepedia Imma sue yo ass!" (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)

In the news 

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only in ohio


Ongoing: The wait for GTA VIEurovision Song ContestRussian InvasionIsrael–Hamas conflict • ICE actually doing their job and rounding up illegal immigrants

Recent deaths: Greg GumbelJimmy CarterLiberal Party of CanadaAaron Rodgers' career • Jean-Marie Le PenPeter YarrowAnita BryantYoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedomDavid LynchBob UeckerDame Joan Plowright

Upcoming deaths: TikTok, for real this time • The Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl win hopes • Bashar al-AssadDiddy's freedomJay‑Z's career and freedomLuigi MangioneKate MiddletonYour New Year's resolutionsLos AngelesIsrael–Hamas conflictLaura PalmerDEI, for better or for worse

On this day 

The smell of stale cigarettes on my stubble, the imprints of past lovers wrinkling my floorbed. I take a swig of something brown, and I forget...

January 30: The Next Great American Novel Day

  • 1835 - Richard Lawrence writes a novel about how he tried to kill Andrew Jackson. Entitled How I Tried to Shoot the President, it became the favorite of Jackson haters in the country.
  • 1925 - Erudite socialite and on-and-off poet M. Masters Droob writes, These Days Will Last Forever, a loosely biographical coming of age tome about an erudite socialite and on-and-off poet.
  • 1965 - Virginian author Jeronio P. McDullum writes his magnum opus, That Remains to be Seen: A Novel of Domestic Discontent, about a loveless marriage between an assistant professor and pugnacious spouse, who wouldn't know a novel from a novella.
  • 1971 - Grizzled, white man's man author Smoker Ennis publishes a road trip anthology, I Fucked The Road; in the cover, he poses with the semi-automatic machine gun he will later use to take his own life.
  • 1973 - Brundon Grishmald writes a 1,249 page novel about every single one of his sexual fetishes in excruciating detail, most people give up by page eighty-four.
  • 2015 - Mariska Told writes a semi-autobiographical Roman à clef about the character defining experiences which paint the life of every American woman, like working at your dad's publishing firm or drunk texting your ex who moved to Long Island three years ago.
  • 2017 - Bright young writer and future MacArthur fellow João Staines writes great work of literary import, you can tell from the tasteful misogyny and the nonsense similies.

Picture of the day

Fantanatic
Say kids, is that Jihad thirsty work or what? Get some refreshment with a Fantanatic!

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