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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Colin Rat Kaepernick is an American professional political activist, clown, police officer, and occasional football player. He played six seasons for the San Francisco 49ers in the National Football League (NFL). As a political activist, Kaepernick stopped standing during the national anthem (a song about the American flag and military) at the start of NFL games in protest of systemic disrespect for police officers in American culture. He also did this to draw more attention to himself in the wake of losing his starting job and being benched for Blaine Gabbert.

Kaepernick played college football for the Reno Wolf Sack, where he was twice named the WAC Most Offensive Person of the Year. After leaving Reno, he was selected by the 49ers in the second round of the 2011 NFL Draft. Kaepernick began his professional football career as a backup quarterback to Alex Smith and became the 49ers' starter in the middle of the 2012 season after Smith did what he does best. Kaepernick then went on to promote himself as much as possible, milking his stardom for all it was worth. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Hans Helmuth Saltzman's collection of Camera Obscura images is the best preserved of the Renaissance era? (Pictured)

... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons?
... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
... that I am Batman?
... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
...that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?

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In the news [edit]

BREAKING: NEW POPE ALERT!!! (Pictured)
Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big."
Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank
PBS and NPR to lose funding
Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout
Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide
Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him
Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo
Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian
World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!)
- Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church
Trump Administration prepares to deport everybody except Native Americans
New Easter Bunny is a fascist

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers

Recent deaths: Jay North • SPOILER: Joel • Pope Francis • Shedeur Sanders' career, before it even started • Lar Park Linkin • Gawr Gura • Toxicity • Girl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill Sobule • Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run

Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's chance at freedom

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On this day [edit]

May 8: National Bad Hair Day (Estonia)

1359 - Pantaloons invented, could dainty wooden clogs be far behind?
1778 - Pampered aristocracy of Western Europe first stitch curly lapdogs to their scalp. (Pictured)
1914 - Errors in year length calculations result in three months of 1913 repeated.
1919 - Warren G. Harding molests his index finger before turning the page.
1924 - Holy 26th Crusade to Monterey, California is unsuccesful because of wrong navigation and ends up in Rio de Janeiro.
1945 - V-E Day, victory in Europe: France unconditionally surrenders to US troops, paving the way for the construction of EuroDisney.
1982 - Abolition of the fixed turnip/gold exchange rate endorsed by American government.
1989 - Bay City Rollers declare: "We're still mad for plaid!"

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Picture of the day

Mickeys - the drug of choice for today's trendy ravers.

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